Unanswered [16] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 4

The two maps illustrate the change of a island, before & after tourists facilities were constructed


minhthu121 2 / 5  
Apr 18, 2020   #1

Maps: Change in an island


IELTS 1

The two maps below show an island, before and after the construction of some tourist facilities

The two maps illustrate the change of a island, before and after some tourists facilities were constructed.

Overall, although several facilities emerged in order to attract tourists, the coconut trees remained unchanged throughout the period.

Initially, the island was an uncharted landscape which merely had some trees and a beach. After the construction, the island witnessed a significant change. In the center of the island lay an reception surrounded by vehicle track. The vehicle track also linked the restaurant with the pier where boats anchored. Besides, accommodation was built next to the reception. In detail, 9 huts were located to the east of the reception, while 6 huts were constructed to the west.

Furthermore, those huts were all connected by the footpath. The trees stayed in the same position, and the land in the west of the island remained untouched. Noticeably, despite not being expanded, the beach was turned to a location for swimming.



arumdalu 2 / 3  
Apr 19, 2020   #2
@minhthu121
You have good content on how the development on the island going on second paragraph. Additionally, you will get a higher score if you paraphrase the opening sentence.Also, try to put emphasis on the development rather than on coconut trees in summarizing the difference.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 11,734 3791  
Apr 19, 2020   #3
I have a sense that you under wrote in this essay. With only 154 words written, you are not maximizing the overall scoring potential of your descriptive essay presentation. You have a good eye for the obvious comparison points in the essay. Good work pointing out that the coconut tree positions did not change although the island was developed over the years. That shows a comparison point that the examiner will take note of and consider when assessing your final score.

Stating that the island underwent changes twice in two different presentations will be considered a redundancy, it will bring your essay under the word count. I knew it. That is why I always encourage my students to write at least 175 words in the essay. That gives you an allowance for the word count in case some problems, such as redundancies, occur and the original word count is deducted from.

Remember, the UK English spells words differently. Try to avoid using American English in word presentations like "center" which, in UK English is "centre". You have an indefinite article problem. Review the use of the words "a" and "an". When a word starts with a vowel "an" is the word that precedes it. A consonant starting word uses "A". There is also a subject verb disagreement in the essay. "Track" should be "tracks".
Hangngo 2 / 4  
Apr 20, 2020   #4
@minhthu121
You have a good way to develop this essay. However, in my opinion:
- you should use a long sentence for the opening
- an overall should be the conclusion in map type (I heard that from some IELTS examiners)


Home / Writing Feedback / The two maps illustrate the change of a island, before & after tourists facilities were constructed