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[Task 1] The two maps show an island, before and after the construction of some tourist facilities

LadyOfClockwork 30 / 102  
Jul 25, 2017   #1
The two maps show an island, before and after the construction of some tourist facilities
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant

an island development over several years

Two maps are presented for analysis of how an island was transformed for the purpose of tourism. They each represent what the island looked before and after the construction of tourist facilities. This essay will summarize the key features and draw comparison of change whenever indicated for the reader's benefit.

On the whole, the landscape, once totally undeveloped, went through a significant change. A variety of man-made amenities came into existence while the natural vegetation went untouched. In addition, the sea around was utilized for entertainment.

There came to be a reception close to the center of the island, about 400 meters from its western end. It was flanked by two rings of lodgings, both well-linked with footpaths, and situated at the middle of a newly constructed vehicle track. The route serviced the breadth of the island, connecting a pier to the south and a restaurant to the north.

With regard to the western stretch of sea, the area was meant for swimming off the beach. Trees dotting the island on both its sides were preserved when it became a tourist attraction. However, the whole land was not quite forest-covered.

I would more appreciate it if you score my essay.

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 12,672 4113  
Jul 25, 2017   #2
Gang, your task accuracy score will fall under a 5 but the rest of the requirements will see you receiving a 6 at the most. So your final score, depending upon the small details that the actual examiner will consider could be anywhere from a 5 to a 5.5. The reason that your task accuracy score was lowered was because you neglected to give a description of the island prior to its development. This should have been included as the remote island description, which is currently missing at this time. As of now, I am not sure where you got the data regarding 400 meters because what I see in the illustration is a 100 meter from the sea description. You still did a very good job on the analysis and comparison portion of the essay, you just missed out on a key point for descriptive purposes and also misquoted the data in the essay regarding the distance of the beach from the sea. These were the 2 points that eventually, had me marking down your essay.
OP LadyOfClockwork 30 / 102  
Jul 25, 2017   #3
Thank you for your advice. I will improve my essay accordingly.
OP LadyOfClockwork 30 / 102  
Oct 14, 2017   #4
Hi. I've just rewritten the essay. Please feel free to give me advice. I try to improve my English proficiency by keeping writing.

The maps illustrate the transformation of an island due to tourism development. They each represent what the island looks like at different time periods. In this essay, I will summarize the change in natural landscape and artificial amenities, and make a before-and-after comparison.

Overall, the wild island with sparse vegetation has been converted to an adequately equipped tourist attraction. A wide array of facilities is built on land. The sea around is also brought into use.

The scene used to be fairly monotonous. No trace of human touch could be found here. The only decoration for the island was the trees sprinkled on both sides.

However, it comes to life when the tourism project is completed. While the plants remain intact, the beach at the west tip is available for swimming. Approximately 100 meters east is constructed a vehicle to run the breadth of the island, connecting a pier on the south coast and a restaurant to the north. At the midway point is built a reception, flanked by two rings of lodgings, each networked with footpaths.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 12,672 4113  
Oct 14, 2017   #5
Gang, while there was an improvement in the way that you presented this essay, I still noticed that you struggled to write it because of the way you formatted the paragraphs. The overall score for this essay will still be a 6 because of some limitations that you have in your presentation. Let me see... I think the best way to explain to you how to write this essay type is to show you how it should be written. I hope that I will not be insulting you by showing you how I would write this essay below. Here it goes:

There are 2 illustrations presented for review. The illustrations provide the before and after images of an island that was developed for tourism purposes. A number of significant differences between the two images can be noted in the presentations. In this essay, I will describe the differences between the two images based on the before and after illustrations.

Before the island development was completed, the area was just a vast, vacant island located 100 meters from the sea. The only structures on the land mass were composed of scattered Palm trees. The island did not have any other greenery and did not have any residents living in it at the time. An undeveloped beachfront was located at the left most tip of the island. This pristine parcel of land and water was later developed into an impressive beachfront tourist property.

After the development, the beachfront property still had a coastline 100 meters from the sea. The beach water area was developed into a swimming space due to several tourist developments across the island. The property, formerly devoid of residents, now had a pier to welcome the boats of tourists to the island. From the pier, the guests checked in at the reception area before proceeding to one of several hut-like accommodations on the island. Meals were served at the restaurant located at the very back of the island, behind the reception area.

It is notable to mention that the Palm trees that were plentiful before the development were cut down to make way for the buildings and changes to the property. Therefore only a handful of the topiary remained after the construction of the island facilities was completed. Overall, the greens on the island underwent significant changes in order to become tourist ready.

In addition to the structural changes on the island, some road improvements such as footpaths and vehicle tracks were added. This resulted in an island that cannot be identified as similar to the original state presented. All of these were due to the marked tourism improvements made to the area.

Note the method of presentation that I used in the essay. The description was at par with the provided images and it provided information that always applied to the present information. Certain assumptions could be safely made such as tourists arriving by boat because of the addition of the pier and the lack of other possible access routes to the island. Therefore, what should be implied information becomes factual based upon common sense and logic. The full use of the 5 sentences per paragraph allowed for a more complex LR presentation and GRA structure. The score for this sort of presentation will never be lower than a 9.
OP LadyOfClockwork 30 / 102  
Oct 14, 2017   #6
I see. Thank you for your detailed explanation that broadens my horizons. I'll do my best to improve my writing accordingly.

You needn't be worried about causing offence. I'm open to blunt comments. I "urgent it" to receive insightful advice that help me make progress rather than expect praise or appreciation.
OP LadyOfClockwork 30 / 102  
Oct 16, 2017   #7
Hi. I've just rewritten the essay. I try to develop my own style after carefully reading your model answer. An image has been added here for convenience. Please feel free to give me advice. I try to improve my English proficiency by keeping writing.

Two maps illustrate an island that has been developed for tourism. Significant differences can be found between before and after the development. In this essay, I will summarize all these changes to provide an insightful comparison.

Overall, the island presented for analysis is a tiny patch of land rising up the surface, about 250 meters in length and 100 meters in width. It used to be a solitary area with small pockets of greenery. Yet now, with the addition of assorted amenities, it has been converted to a tourist attraction.

Before the tourism project, there was no service facility, nor was the beach at the western tip developed. Visitors could not even reach the island that did not have any landing stage for boats. Apart from the sparse palm trees scattered in the east and west, it was utterly destitute of vegetation.

However, the landscape has undergone tremendous transformation as a diverse range of structures and transport routes are constructed. Around 100 meters from the western end is built a pier to greet boats of tourists. They go ashore here before taking a ride up the vehicle track to the reception where they check in.

When the process is finished, they will be driven to the restaurant in the north for dinner or walk to huts at each side to have a rest. The accommodation units form two rings, each well-connected with footpaths that also link the beach, where the water area has become a swimming space. It is worth to mention that the palm trees are not cut down to make way for the development, since the maps demonstrate they remain intact.

Notes: comparing the maps, I see the trees are unchanged. An observation might differs from your model answer.

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 12,672 4113  
Oct 16, 2017   #8
Gang, excellent work! Also, the observations will vary per writer so there are no wrong or right presentations. Like I said, this is all about analysis and observations. Two people will analyze and observe in two different ways. No harm, no foul. Everything is good. The person who will read the analysis will take the word of the writer at face value because there is nothing else to base their understanding of the presentation on. Remember, they won't have access to the image so even though we vary in observation, the information will still be similar and useful to the reader. One point for lexical correction though, don't say "destitute" of vegetation because destitute means "poor". The correct term is "devoid" meaning "missing or lacking in". I am not sure that referring to 250 meters in length is a good thing because I could not find any reference to that in the original diagrams. Don't get too creative with your presentation. You have liberties to a certain degree only. Observations may be presented, but assumptions not based on provided information are not. Now, here is the thing. Based upon your presentation, your TA can score a perfect 9. It is fully addresses the task with complete presentations and you presented fully extended ideas that helped the reader to better understand the analytical presentation. The rest of the criteria, falls under an 8 due to the problems that I discussed earlier. You show remarkable developments in your writing skills every time. I hope that you can continue this trend. I will now present you with a challenge which I hope you will accept. Take a new Task 1 topic. One that you have not written about yet. Write an analytical essay on that topic at a level 9 band essay presentation. I think you can do it. I will allow you to pick the essay topic.
OP LadyOfClockwork 30 / 102  
Oct 17, 2017   #9
Thank you for your advice. I'll improve my English proficiency accordingly. I'm glad to take you up on the challenge. Now a 9 in the actual test is my goal.

Looking forward for your further advice.

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