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Two maps show an island before and after development - IELTS TASK 1

NataliiaNechv 1 / 1  
Apr 3, 2017   #1
Hello! Soon I will be taking an IELTS, so could you help me with my essay evaluating? I have to get at least 6.5 band score.

Please, make some corrections if possible :)

maps of an island comparison

The two maps below show an island, before and after the construction of some tourist facilities.

The maps represent an island before and after establishing some tourist attractions and different facilities.
Overall, the island changed a lot after constructing some facilities on the western and middle parts of total area. It can be seen that eastern part of territory stayes untouched.

First of all I will focus on the western coast of the island. A beach is located for swimming there. Moving on, there is a footpath from the beach which leads to accomodation buildings. After them the reception facility is established at the very middle of the island. Moreover, it is surronded by vehicle tracks. One of them lays towards the restaurant on the north. Another goes down to the pier on the southside. The pier was built rather long and it has a T form.

The last thing that may be noticed is a group of accomodation facilities located a bit further to the east than reception. Each building is connected with a footpath, but there is no connection between the group of buildings and the reception. Considering untouched eastern part of island's area, there are some palm trees as well.

Holt [Contributor] - / 7,489 1927  
Apr 3, 2017   #2
Nataliia, the summary overview of your essay needs to be at least 3 sentences long. So instead of the single sentence that you have at the very beginning, you should have combined it with the next paragraph in order to create a proper overview of the information you were provided. The overview that you could have created would have been a perfect explanation of the illustration you were provided with. When writing this kind of summary, there is no need for you to present it in the first person as there is no required discussion coming from your end. No person references are necessary in this instance, only a reference to the illustrations. That said, the best reference for the discussion in the essay would have been, per paragraph "In the first map..." Rather than saying "I will focus..." Do not use the reference "them" in this essay because that refers to a direct or indirect object, usually referring to a group of people. In this case, you are using the term to refer to inanimate objects such as buildings, trees, and the like. These do not have genders and are not considered people, so the correct reference would have been to use the descriptive term directly. An example of this would be" ... After the footpath, the reception..." or "... One of these..." While you did write 180 plus words, the improper grammar development takes away from the interesting presentation that you have for the essay. I advise you to work on your connecting words and pronoun usage knowledge. Learn how to properly refer to inanimate objects in an essay. Overall though, you did a good job of describing the map illustrations. However, due to the existing problems of the essay, I think you can only score as high as a 6.
Reza_Hidayat 13 / 18 1  
Apr 3, 2017   #3
Based on your essay, I think you should mention key feature of the map, it could be similarities and differences before and after constructing. In my opinion, you use limited preposition to explain the feature and limited range of vocabulary.

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