Unanswered [0] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback % width Posts: 3

TWO-PART QUESTION: Big city topic


hanle1999 1 / -  
May 4, 2022   #1
Topic:

Now big cities have many problems.


What are these problems? Do you think the government should encourage city residents to move to small cities and towns?

Nowadays, many metropolises have faced with a number of issues, and the authorities should persuade their citizens to migrate to rural areas or smaller cities.

There are some problems happening in big cities. Firstly, natural environment has become seriously in negative way as more. Individuals from other places tend to move to major cities which is the promise land for job opportunity, so exhaust gases such as Carbon dioxide from their private vehicle or daily activities has contributed to air contamination. For example, Ho Chi Minh City and Hanoi City are two largest urbans in Vietnam which always hit the air hazardous level, compared to another provinces. Secondly, the rapid increase of crime rate is the biggest concern. Even though career options in these cities are various, it is also competitive and unemployed people are likely to sins for living. For instance, big state in United States - California possesses a third highest robbery rate according to Wikipedia.

Hence, government should encourage urban people to live in minor cities and towns. The first reason is that environmental issues can be improved. Lower density population would reduce car, motorbike, and allow plants to have time for transformation waste gases. Index of atmosphere during Tet holiday in Ho Chi Minh City, when everyone back to their hometown, turns green indicated good quality. Besides, this is a good chance for rural areas to grow the economy. Companies, industries in small cities are often underdeveloped due to lack of well-training employees.

In conclusion, big cities have a lot of problems in these days, and the state should come up with conviction for movement of civilians to another provinces and town due to many reasons mentioned above.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 12,686 4117  
May 4, 2022   #2
The prompt restatement + Personal opinion paragraph will receive a failing score because:

1. It presents itself as a run-on sentence.
2. It does not answer the 2 part question to deliver a writer's opinion that can be scored. Instead, he merely repeats the discussion questions.

These errors alone will be enough to assure the writer of a failing score at the end as she shows a lack of ability to follow the discussion instructions and correct paragraph presentation format.

The reasoning paragraphs do not follow the correct information presentation either which should have been:
1. Present the problem as the topic sentence
2. Explain why this is a problem.
3. Provide an example of the problem
4. Indicate a possible solution to the said problem
5. Explain why the solution is going to work

By using the Cause+Effect+Solution discussion presentation, the writer will deliver a well developed, clearly explained, and cohesive paragraph presentation every time.
writing123 1 / 3  
May 12, 2022   #3
Nowadays, many metropolises have faced with a number of issues, ...
I suggest using the present continuous tense.


Home / Writing Feedback / TWO-PART QUESTION: Big city topic