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IELTS2- two-part question: do the role of a mother differ in some ways from the role of a father?

s410377088 11 / 22 4  
Aug 1, 2019   #1

Similarities Between the Parent Functions

In some countries, the role of a mother differs in some ways from the role of a father. Why do you think these differences exist? How might parental roles develop in the future?

It is argued in several nations that moms act whole differently as opposed to dads. While several reasons contribute to this kind of difference between parents, I believe that the roles fathers and mothers would function more similarly.

There are several reasons why parents act so differently in the context of kids. Firstly, fathers spent little time with kids than mothers do because his character in a family is to work and earn money. Therefore, dads tend not to get familiar with children' daily lives, while moms take care of almost everything related to them such as their birthday and school's name. Secondly, the ways parents talk to their offspring also differed in certain aspects. Fathers often speak straightforward to children, while mothers choose their words wisely to prevent hurting children' heart.

However, the difference between the parents' role is narrowing due to some cultural factors. Since the 1990s, women have begun to participate more in the work field instead of staying at home fostering son and daughter, making the time parents spent with children come closer. Furthermore, the advocate of gender equality would encourage dads to do a task which moms have been doing for the past century. For example, my mother was always the one making sure I finished homework when I was little, while recently my dad started to ask about my scores of midterm test.

In conclusion, although several factors contribute to the difference in parents' teaching to children, I strongly believe that the gap will become much less apparent in the future.
vuthuylinh2611 19 / 61 1  
Aug 2, 2019   #2
"I believe that the roles ... function more similarly." The meaning of this sentence is not clear. Do you means that the functions of mother and father will become more and more similar in the future? "in the context of" seems awkward to me (dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/context) . I recommend "when dealing with a kid-related issue". "Character" - "role"; "tend not to" - "doesn't tend to; differed - differs; aspect - way; work field - workforce; task - tasks
Maria - / 1,099 389  
Aug 2, 2019   #3
Hello. Thanks for coming back! I hope you're doing good. I'll give you feedback on this essay.

The first paragraph needs a bit more work. While the first sentence is straightforward, it still lacks being more specific with what the direction of your essay is supposed to be. It is unnecessary for you to mention that these differentiations exist because of national perceptions. Rather, try to mention that these are gender-based notions as this appears to be a firmer approach than what you currently have at the moment.

Try to be more direct with language usage. For example, the first lines of the second paragraph could have been phrased in a simpler manner. If you do this, you'll be able to focus on more important details.

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