Unanswered [16] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 2

The two pie charts below show some employment patterns in Great Britain in 1992.


Kalina1110 1 / -  
Jul 11, 2019   #1

IELTS WRITTING TASK 1: employment pattern



The two pie charts below show some employment patterns in Great Britain in 1992. Employment and self-employed: by sex and occupation,1992.

The pie charts represent the proportion of females and males in employments in different occupations in Great Brian in the year 1992.
It is clear that the percentage of females in non-manual occupation was higher than manual occupation while that in males was opposite.
In the manual occupation, the number of general workforce was very small in both men and woman. The proportion of women employed in craft or similar accounted for 24% which was eight as much as that of men. While there almost was not different between the percentage of females and males doing other manual occupation.

In the non-manual occupation, the number of people doing manager and professor was the larger than others. While the men working made up 31% in the employment of clerical or related, the percentage of women was only 6% in that. The amount of working on other non-manual occupations was few similar in the two genders.




solivagant 8 / 15 6  
Jul 12, 2019   #2
Hi @Kalina1110!
I'll try my best to help you. Firstly, you made several mistakes when describing the data. It is important to present information correctly as it is shown in a chart.

Secondly, I think your overview isn't accurate, which is the result of the above-mentioned problem too.

So let's get into details. Here are some suggestions and corrections from me:

..of females and males employees in employments in different ...

"... was higher than that in manual occupation while ... opposite" I'd say that they aren't quite opposite, because in females non-manual work has far higher percentages than manual one, but for men the figure for these two is shared almost evenly. So, you'd better write like this:

"..while that in males was opposite the figure for male employees is almost the same in both types of work.

"... workforce was very small ... woman" According to the data, 52% ... So you may say:

"..was higher in men than in women"


Home / Writing Feedback / The two pie charts below show some employment patterns in Great Britain in 1992.