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IELTS writing task 1 - The two pie charts about the types of communication.


bachyangha 2 / 1 2  
Aug 6, 2017   #1
Please check this essay for me.

IELTS Writing Task 1 : The two pie charts show the types of communication used in 1982 and 1962. Write a report to describe the information shown in the graph.

communication technology 35 and 55 years ago



The pie chart compared the types of communication used in 1962 and 1982 in percentage terms. Overall, it is obvious that in 1962, people tended to use letter to communicate while in 1982, phone dominated other ways of communication.

In 1962, Letter was the most popular types of communication, accounting for 50%, which was half of all types. The next largest sector was phone, amounting to 35%. Computer occupied the smallest fraction (15%).

Twenty years later, in 1982, this completely changed. The percetage of people using phone had risen to 60%. This was an increase of 25% compared with 1962. Much of the increase in phone can be explained by the decrease in the letter, which had dropped from 50% to 10%. There was also a considerable risen in the proportion of people using compute, from 15% to 30%.

In conclusion, with the development of technology, phones and computers are more widely used.




DoctorWho [Contributor] - / 40 23  
Aug 6, 2017   #2
Hello!

You've summarized almost all of the important data given. It's just a matter of better presentation.

I would suggest having an Introduction of around 2-3 sentences where you just talk about what the task is and what the parameters are. The statement beginning with "Overall..... " could be used as your conclusion para.

Example (INTRO) - The pie charts given below compare the modes of communication used in 1962 and 1982 in terms of percentage. The types of communication which is considered includes phone, computer and letter.

Speak then in detail about your analysis of the diagram-
The trend in 1962 followed by the trend in 1982. After this you compare and contrast these two periods. (The question does not ask the reason for the trend change, however I think it is good that you did in your essay).

In conclusion you talk about the major change ( ie. your "Overall, it is obvious....." statement )

Good Luck! :)
Holt - / 7,529 2001  
Aug 7, 2017   #3
Yang, your essay does not follow the correct structure and form presentation for a Task 1 essay. Your first paragraph does not qualify as a summary outline, which is required in every essay of this type. The summary outline should not discuss the actual information in the provided image but rather, merely list the topics for discussion in the succeeding paragraphs. Without the required summary overview, you will find that your TA score will be marked down for missing paragraph requirements.

You should have done more in order to meet the minimum 3-5 sentence requirement for the cohesiveness and coherence portion of the essay. There are a number of portions that do not qualify as full paragraphs, the direct instruction under this scoring requirement, because you only present 2 sentences there. Expect another set of mark downs in that section for scoring.

If you notice, the pie charts are being connected by a directional arrow. This indicates that a direct comparison of the two charts is implied in terms of written analysis. There as no such representation in your work either. The lack of reference to that means that you did not spend enough time properly analyzing the similarities and differences between the two pie charts. Yes, this could also decrease your possible score.

The last stand alone line that you wrote as a conclusion is not necessary. A Task 1 essay does not have a conclusion requirement, only a summary overview requirement that has to be placed either at the beginning or the end of the essay. I recommend placing it at the start so that you can score up your TA score from the very start.


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