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IELTS: There are two potential places for the supermarket - Map question


galileoaskan 1 / -  
Oct 16, 2014   #1
This is my first essay. Can someone give some feedbacks ? and what score it deserves ? thanks in advance...

The map below is of the town of Garlsdon. A new supermarket (S) is planned for the town. The map shows two possible sites for the supermarket.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

You should write at least 150 words.


The map indicates the city of Garlsdon, a town with a population of 65,000, where a new supermarket is considering to be constructed. There are two potential places which are named as S1 and S2 on the map.

The first potential place (S1) is on the north-west of the city of Garlsdon, just next to main road to the city of Hindon which is 12 km far from Garlsdon and population of 12,000. In fact if the market is build here, it would be very useful to people who live in the north of Garlsdon and of course people who work in a small part of industry. But not to other part of the town and particularly to city centre where most people spend their times and travel with from the central station.

The second potential place (S2) has a wider range in comparison with S1. While S2 applies almost whole city of Garlsdon, S1 only applies to a small area due to its position. When look at the S2, it can be seen at the first glance that it would be exactly right decision to make a supermarket there because of its nearness to residences, railway and the city centre with no-traffic zone. On the other hand, the most important benefit of S2 is that it has only 16 and 25 km to two cities of Bransdon and Cransdon with population of 16,000 and 25,000, respectively.

To sum up, the second place will be a more reasonable choice since it has more advantages than the first place.




Vns9x 102 / 236 16  
Oct 17, 2014   #2
Saying advantages in the concluson is not enough. You also need to rephrase all your arguments that you stated.
tiaDS 73 / 235 52  
Oct 17, 2014   #3
To sum up, the second place will be a more reasonable choice since it has more advantages than the first place.

First of all, I want to emphasis that in the task 1, you have to write overview paragraph instead of conclusion.

The map indicates the city of Garlsdon, a town with a population of 65,000, where a new supermarket is consideringconsiders(use simple present) to be constructed. There are two potential places which are named as S1 and S2 on the map


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