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Two version of the "background, identity, interest, or talent" essay


adepani3112 5 / 8  
Aug 12, 2016   #1
Some students have a background, identity, interest, or talent that is so meaningful they believe...

THERE ARE TWO VERSIONS

Determined, independent, family-loving, warmhearted, and above all humble, are just few words that describe my amazing great-grandfather, Raya Depani. Everything I have become today is because of the sacrifices that my hero made in his life. The story of my great-grandfather's life is packed with blood, sweat, tears, hard work, and grief. Raya Depani was born in a small town called Keshod to very poor parents. At a very young age, my great-grandfather was married and a couple of years later he had a son, my grandfather, who they named Panchan Depani. When it came to family, my great-father didn't have much. His wife and parents died just a couple of years after my grandfather was born. Despite this my great-grandfather filled both duties as a parent. When my poor great-grandfather asked his brother if his son and he could stay at their farm, he was turned away. As humble as he was, he never got mad, instead he got a job at a nearby farm. The owner of the farm only gave my great-grandfather one pair clothes for the entire year. Imagine that, having to live in just one pair of clothes for the entire year! By the time the year ended my great-grandfather's clothes would be filled with holes, dirt, and ripped to shreds. When he wanted to wash his shirt, he would sleep without it at night and when he wanted to wash his shorts, he would use his shirt as a substitute. The owner of the farm also didn't provide a bed so my great-grandfather had to sleep on the muddy ground everyday.

Every morning my great-grandfather woke up at five and went to work. Working in scoring sun with temperatures not going below 90 degrees is a very excruciating job. He worked till sundown, a total of 14 hours everyday. When it was time for dinner, he first fed his son and if there were any leftovers, he then ate those. There were many times were he went to sleep hungry. Everyday my hero would pray and thank God for allowing him have this beautiful life filled with love and opportunities.

It took my hero 40 years gather enough money so his son could get married, start a family, and move to a bigger city. From here our family was able to develop and flourish economically. From a small town to the United States to applying to college, it is because of my grandfather that my family has come this far. 650 words just don't cover the life story of my ultimate idol and hero. Everyday, before I go to school I thank God for allowing me to play in hands of my great-grandfather. I always bow down to a picture of my hero and thank him for everything he did and hoping that I become ten percent of the man he was. My father always said, "Son, if you live on the principles of your great-grandfather, then your life will be successful." God did truly lookout for my great-grandfather all of his wish did come true and he lived to be 101 years old. My hero was able to see three generations of kids grow up joyfully. Whenever the story my hero is told, a tear always rolls out of my eye for there never will be another Raya Depani just like there will never be a Mahatma Gandhi. My hero died when I was two and it upsets me that I couldn't grow in the presence of such a powerful idol. Even though he wasn't able to shower me with his delightful greatness, the principles of my hero will always stick with me. Family first, working hard, being humble, putting others before oneself and many more will define who I will become. My life, personality, and identity is a direct reflection of the sacrifices my great-grandfather, Raya Depani, made throughout his life.

OR

Heroes can be ordinary humans who end up having an extraordinary impact on us.
Everything I have achieved today is because of the sacrifices that my hero made throughout his life. The story of my great-grandfather's life is packed with blood, sweat, and tears. Raya Depani was born in a small town named Keshod to very poor parents. At a young age, he was married and a couple of years later he had a son, my grandfather, who they named Panchan Depani. When it came to family, my great-grandfather didn't have a whole lot. His wife and parents died just a couple of years after my grandfather was born. Despite this, my hero filled both duties as a parent.

Without a job, money or a home my great-grandfather pleaded his brother give him work, food, and a place to stay at his farm. However, he was disregarded. Being very humble, my hero never got angry, instead he got a job at a nearby farm. The owner, only gave him one pair of clothes for the entire year. Imagine that, having to live in just one pair of clothes for the 365 days! By the time the year ended my great-grandfather's clothes would be filled with holes and dirt. My hero also didn't have a bed, so he slept on the ground from day to day. This exemplary action by my great-grandfather shows that no matter how many times life will tread on you, life will scrunch you, life will squeeze you, you will always have your inner self-confidence, just the way my hero had.

Every morning my great-grandfather woke up at five and went to work. Working in scoring sun with temperatures not going below 90 degrees is an awfully excruciating job. He worked till sundown, a total of 14 hours, everyday. When it was time for dinner, he first fed his son and if there were any leftovers, he then ate those. There were many times were he went to sleep hungry. Everyday my hero would pray and thank God for allowing him have this beautiful life filled with love and opportunities. This optimism that my hero had, drives me to appreciate all that I have in my life because there are those who have much less but are still a lot happier then me. This spark that my hero lightens in me everyday, urges me to put others before myself.

It took my great-grandfather 40 years gather enough money so his son could start a family, and move to a bigger city. From a rural town to applying for college, it is because of my hero that my family has come this far. 650 words just don't cover the life story of my ultimate idol and hero. Every morning, I thank God for allowing me to play in hands of my great-grandfather. I always bow down to a picture of my hero and thank him for all he has done and hope that I become ten percent of the man he was. God did truly lookout for my great-grandfather as he was able to live a healthy 101 years! My hero died when I was two and it upsets me that I couldn't grow in the presence of such a powerful idol. Even though he wasn't able to shower me with his delightful bliss, the principles of my hero will always stick with me. Family first, working hard, being humble, putting others before oneself and many more will define who I will become. My life, personality, and identity is a direct reflection of the sacrifices my great-grandfather, Raya Depani, made throughout his life. Whenever the story my hero is told, a tear always rolls out of my eye for there never will be another Raya Depani just like there will never be a Mahatma Gandhi. People like my great-grandfather only come once a generation.

monajha 5 / 8  
Aug 12, 2016   #2
Dear adepani3112,

It took my hero 40 years gather enough money.....sentence structure is not convincing.
amm_16 2 / 4  
Aug 12, 2016   #3
Hi adepani3112,

Great..! you have written a topic in two versions.

The first version was better than the second version, but the first version there are minor errors, among others;

Every morning my great-grandfather woke up at five o'clock and went to work

he first fed his son and if there were any leftovers, he then ate those.
Firstly, he fed his son and if there were any leftlovers, he would eatten those
Halim15 7 / 11  
Aug 12, 2016   #4
Hi Adepani :)

The owner of the farm also didn't did not provide a bed..

Every morning my great-grandfather wokewake up

My hero also didn't did not have a bed

This is a good story, I love it :)
Keep spirit !


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