Could someone offer some advice on my essay below. I am practicing to take the CLEP college Composition exam in a few weeks and just did this timed essay today. It was one of the 30min ones. Thanks!
"There are no challenges so difficult, no goals so impossible, as the ones we set for ourselves."
Write an essay in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement above. Support your discussion with specific reasons and example from your reading, experience, or observations.
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There are two types of goals we set in life: those that others set for and expect of us, and those that we set for ourselves. Though both could be equally difficult, the goals and challenges we set for ourselves typically end up being harder than anything that someone else could dream up. We see a goal or a result that we want, and once we put our mind to achieving that goal there is no turning back. Throughout history and daily life it is easy to see how the challenges and goals we set for ourselves far outweigh any that even a parent could ever dream of us accomplishing.
First consider Harriet Tubman. Few people believed that she could actually be successful sneaking slaves through the deep south and into the safety of the north. To the outsider, rescuing slaves seemed like an impossible task. It was extremely difficult to walk under the nose of the plantation owners without being caught, yet Tubman returned again and again to rescue more slaves. The goal she set for herself of resucing all the slaves was something that noone believed was possible. But through her extrodinary willpower and self-determination, Tubman was successful in rescuing hundreds of slaves.
Another example of how we as individuals can challenege ourselves comes in the area of school. As students we want to acheive so much, earn a certain degree, graduate with certain grades, or earn a particular award. While teachers and parents may encourage us along our journey, and perhaps even suggest challenges for us to undertake, it is the student who puts the greatest pressure on themselves. The will and desire to succeed and conquer the tough battles is something that is inside of a person; noone can give them that fight and determination.
Finally, I see the truth in how we challenege ourselves the most play out in my daily life. I love athletics and devote much of my spare time to training and competiting to be the very best that I can be. Despite my hardest efforts, I remain only average amoung my peers. Coaches, parents, and other athletes are great in encouraging me along the journey, but few would have ever imagined what I have accomplised. I decided last year that I wanted to spend the winter living away from home and ski training. Even my parents thought this was asking a little much when I mentioned the idea to them. But it was only through my hard work and preseverence of pushing through obsticles that I was able to succeed and accomplish my goals. And because of the difficult challenges and goals I set for myself, I am now able to entertain the idea of skiing in college. A year ago nobody believed that skiing in college was ever possible for me, but now it has become a reality.
In closing, these example clearly show that it very true that there "are no challenges, no goals so impossible as the ones we set for ourselves". If we always believed what others said about us, and never dreamed bigger, we would never accomplish what we have in our lifetime. Many slaves would have had to die in slavery if it weren't for the determination of a woman named Harriet Tubman who was convinced that she could rescue the slaves. What would our economy be like today if students did not challenge themselves beyond what their teachers and peers put upon them? Where would I be if I hadn't set high expectatitions and took a jump for them? I am convinced that the world would be a drastically different place if we only tried for the goals that others set for us instead of the ones we set for ourselves.
Hi :) Your paper looks good to me. I have a few suggestions:
Though both could be equally difficult, the goals and challenges we set for ourselves typically end up being harder than anything that someone else could dream up.
This sentence sounds a little "wordy". You could simplify, and don't end the sentence with the word "up"
Throughout history and daily life it is easy to see how the challenges and goals we set for ourselves far outweigh any that even a parent could ever dream of us accomplishing.
This is repetitive of the previous two sentences. It seems that you are saying the same thing over and over. I would say these things in one sentence and continue your intro with a couple different notions.
Few people believed that she could actually be successful sneaking slaves through the deep south and into the safety of the north.
Good example! I would re-word the "Few people believed" part-- but looking back, it is incredible.
Another example of how we as individuals can challenege ourselves comes in the area of school.
You could say: "Another example of how we as individuals can challenege ourselves is through learning and education."
The will and desire to succeed and conquer the tough battles is something that is inside of a person; noone can give them that fight and determination.
This paragraph,and this particular sentence-- they sound very generalized, if you could be less vague it would make the paper more interesting.
