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The typical destinations for students after graduating. IELTS Writing Task 1: Comparing the chart

Farinda Urfah 1 / 1  
Apr 12, 2017   #1
Future of students after finishing their study

Ps. Please comment, I need your kindly correction of my grammar and vocabulary on my essay. Thank you. :)

The diagrams below ilustrate the destination of UK graduate and postgraduate scholars who did not work full-time after graduating from the university in 2008.

In United Kingdom, the greatest destination both of graduate and postgraduate students after they graduated is studying at higher education, either master's program or doctorate program. While working part-time and employment destination had similar numbers which together ranked middle.

The lowest destination which displayed in the graph is volunteering in work place. It is having similar at figure 1 and 2 that compared in number of scholars. It has small numbers which dramatically stands last. Since, graduate and postgraduate students in UK is not likely to be volunteer, a work without unclear salary, neither high nor low.

To sum up, there is no significant different destination excluding full-time work in UK after graduate and postgraduate students left the university, both of them chose to continue their study than the other destination.

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 12,003 3877  
Apr 13, 2017   #2
Farinda, I normally score the essays presented for review for the students, but in the case of first time participants, such as yourself, I do not give a score because I want to call your attention to the method by which you can improve your writing style and thus, improve your final, overall score as well. Let me get started with the first paragraph.

Your first paragraph, is the overview statement. This is the paragraph that calls for your to summarize the topic for discussion, the method of discussion, and other key elements of the essay in an outline form. You are not supposed to present any pertinent discussions in this aspect of the essay yet. Now, the problem with the summary that you wrote, is that it does not cover the complete information presentation per chart. These presentations need to be done as a full sentences instead of a summarized presentation. This is because of the required 3-5 sentence per paragraph requirement of the essay. Any paragraph shorter than 3 sentences will be given a marked down score.

You were provided with 3 charts for discussion. Therefore, each chart content should have been represented in a single paragraph. Each paragraph should successfully compare, contrast, and present the information for each section indicated within the chart. This will create a solid and proper discussion that will be considered highly informative by the reviewer.

As for the concluding sentence, you will need to increase that by a few sentences in order to create the proper format for the presentation. Your actual discussion is acceptable. It is just that you missed a few important formatting requirements and information in the overall presentation. If you manage to avoid the same problems in the next practice essay, I can accurately score and offer you additional advice then.
OP Farinda Urfah 1 / 1  
Apr 13, 2017   #3
Thank you Holt for your correction, I feel I am not good in presenting the data. Actually I am still confused how to display data in the diagram accurately, and to compare them, whether any numbers or not.

Would you give me some tips to present the data in the chart or diagram or graph?

Thank you so much Holt :)
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,208 476  
Apr 13, 2017   #4
hi there..., I have perused your writing report more closely, then I think some areas for improvement in terms of TA, CC, LR & GRA should be taken into consideration.

The diagrams below ilustrate the destination of UK graduate and postgraduate scholars who did not work full-time after graduating from the university in 2008.

As seen, the input material is directly copied as an introduction to this response. This is deducted your score as such a way is not counted and so loses marks in terms of TA

To earn a good score in this part, it is your task to compare and contrast the data shown by using both languages of comparison and change. Not only this, you need to present a very clear overview, covering what is being discussed in the following body paragraphs.

When it comes to communicative quality, it is always good to learn paragraph skills. Such skills help you organize every paragraph you construct more appropriately. As it can be seen from your report written, the paragraphs used are in adequate, and therefore this will send you to gain score lower in CC.

In this writing task 1, I did not see any less common vocabulary. Fyi, you will be tested on how to use sophisticated lexical items. In my place, English Studio Kampung Inggris Pare, I am more likely to foster an interest in uncommon ones in my IELTS students by reading more sample answers as I thoroughly believe that If students can use this with rare minor errors, then such a score will pass with flying colors.

Use past, rather than present, as this data based the graph taken from 2008. If you cannot use correct tense in this report, then this will distort the meaning. Remember that.

Hope this helps :D

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