Underappreciated home nurses in California

this is what I have so far for my introduction paragraph

nurses deserve more

In California today Nursing home nurses are underappreciated. They care for our elderly with love and respect. Many times they are only ones there to comfort them because their family is at work or can not provide the health care they need at home. They deserve more respect because they care for our loved ones. They treat them with love and respect like if they where one of their own family members. A nursing home licensed nurses in California deserve more respect because they work long hours and sacrifice their health.

my paper is about why society should recognise its cultural worth how we can appreciate it more?

Juliette, if your paper is all about cultural worth, you might want to rethink your current opening statement. There is more of a social slant to what you are writing rather than cultural reference. The introduction is supposed to tie in with the cultural requirement of the essay discussion but I do not read any reference to such in this statement. As a thesis statement, you have to add more information that would tie in with a cultural reference instead of a social reference. Since nurses and caregivers work more on the social aspect of things, you may want to rethink the focal point of your discussion. Try to pick a topic that would be easier to tie in with a cultural discussion rather than the one you have now. This topic is good but you may have a bit of a hard time representing a cultural relevance for the job of the nurses. By the way, the thesis statement is incomplete. The thesis statement is another name for the introduction. Your topic for discussion is not clearly presented in the paragraph. The revision you have to do will allow you to rethink your discussion topic and whether you can accurately represent the discussion required using this subject or if you want to change it to a more connectable topic.