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IELTS Task 1: Underground railway systems; 'London has been the oldest'


BOMAT_IRA 29 / 40  
Apr 9, 2014   #1
The table shows three categories data of the underground railway systems in six cities.

In generally, London has been the oldest building and the highest number of kilometers of route, while the most new was belonged to Los Angeles.

Although London's subway has been built before, the high numbers of passengers per year is Tokyo. Tokyo has had the busiest underground line contrasted with other five cities, followed by Paris, London, Washington DC, Los Angeles, and Kyoto.

On the other hand, there are two various cities like Kyoto and Los Angles in where the system has been built, difference compared to other four cities. Despite Los Angles was being more marked rather than Kyoto, both of them has had reasonable passengers

Overall, London has the older underground railway system, the most which has had a sharp rise of passengers was Paris. Then, the older is the railway system, the longer is the route of the railway system.




Misnariah Idrus 19 / 35 4  
Apr 10, 2014   #2
London has been the oldest building

Make sure the meaning of this phrase

the most new was belonged

the newest

the high numbers of passengers per year

check its meaning

Tokyo has had the busiest underground line contrasted with other five cities, followed by Paris, London, Washington DC, Los Angeles, and Kyoto.

Avoid shopping list

Overall, London has the older underground railway system, the most which has had a sharp rise of passengers was Paris. Then, the older is the railway system, the longer is the route of the railway system.

In making overview, try not to mention a particular data
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,208 476  
Apr 10, 2014   #3
Overall, your writing is good, but you still need more work for these points:
1. Introduction: you have a table with five columns showing information related to the data. Being asked to write an introduction, you can paraphrase the heading words in the columns.

2. An overview: You should find the correlation amongst the features. The easiest way is to juxtapose the big and small numbers, and the cities. Comparing and contrasting skills are needed here.

With regard to this topic, MisterWandering has written the very impressive visual writing. Here is the link: https://essayforum.com/writing/underground-railway-systems-field-opening-date-50751/. Please read more closely. Try to understand how the comparison and contrast are used. If you could, then you better rewrite yours.

Well,

On the other hand,

is used to give another opinion or fact that should be considered as well as the one you have just given.
E.g. Nuclear power is relatively cheap. On the other hand, you could argue that it's not safe.
oneclbb 2 / 8  
Apr 10, 2014   #4
Hi, i am preparing IELTS exam as well. I am not at good english so i don't know whether my command is helpful or not. Hope it help.

I think it is better to describe six cities in your introduction. For example, the table compares the six cities in terms of their age, size and the number of people or passengers who.. (describe)

Good luck :)
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Apr 10, 2014   #5
Well, this task is to assess your report writing skills and report writing is different from writing an ordinary essay. You need to present facts in a concise manner and you need to adopt a more formal approach. Therefore, the introduction can be very short and there is no need of describing all six cities, but you should include the time period if there's any. The above approach which I suggested in my earlier comment is the best I came across so far for this task :)
oneclbb 2 / 8  
Apr 10, 2014   #6
oh i see :). I try to follow your way next time i practice for take1.


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