Unanswered [3] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 4

In undermentioned countries foot/drinks/tobacco has recorded the highest percentage of expenditures


andys77a 1 / 1  
Aug 14, 2014   #1
Hi, this my first time to use this website.
I'm really terrible at English writing :S. Here is my writing analysing the table below. Some feedback would be really appreciated!! thanks you

Country Food/Drink/Tobacco Clothing/Footwear Leisure/Education
Ireland 28.91% 6.43% 2.21%
Italy 16.36% 9% 3.20%
Spain 18.80% 6.51% 1.98%
Sweden 15.77% 6.51% 3.22%
Turkey 32.14% 6.63% 4.35%

The diagram compares the proportions of national consumer expenditure by category in five different countries including Ireland, Italy, Spain, Sweden and Turkey in 2002.

First of all, it appears food/drinks/tobacco are the main spending in those five countries. Particularly, in Turkey, people spent nearly one third of their living expenses on these items which was the largest percentage among those countries (i'm trying not to repeat those countries, is there other word I should use?), followed by Ireland with 28%. Sweden had the lowest proportion which was just a half of the one of Turkey.

Italy was the country that people consider their appearance more importantly than other countries, spending 9% of their total expenditure on clothing/footwear. The percentages of other four countries had little differences as the numbers stayed between 5-7%.

Lastly, comparing to previous categories, people in all countries tend not to spend much money on leisure/education. Interestingly, Spanish only spent 2% of total expenditure which was only half of the one of Turkey. (Or Spanish only spent 2% of total expenditure, whereas, turkey spent as twice much as percentage of Spain - which sentence sounds better?)

In conclusion, in those five countries, foot/drinks/tobacco has recorded the highest percentage of expenditure, while, leisure/education has recorded the lowest percentage spending.

ngoctrang123 1 / 2 1  
Aug 14, 2014   #2
For IELTS task 1, your reported is quite good. You have a pretty structure with a clear overview. :) . I think when your table including many countries, you should repeat some of them in order to avoid misunderstanding for examiner, it not a big problem :). Moreover is about your cohesion. If yu said 'first of all' you should say 'secondly is' and finally is ' lastly'. OR if you dont want use first of all, you could say '' Overall' for overview paragraph or ' The most noticable feature''.

Italy was the country that people was considered their appearance more importantly than other countries, spending 9% of their total expenditure on clothing/footwear. The percentages of other four countries had little differences as the numbers stayed between 5-7%.

GOOD-LUCK
[
OP andys77a 1 / 1  
Aug 14, 2014   #3
thank you very very much!!
SHanafi 120 / 415 93  
Sep 2, 2014   #4
If yu said 'first of all' you should say 'secondly is' and finally is ' lastly'. OR if you dont want use first of all, you could say '' Overall' for overview paragraph or ' The most noticable feature''.

I am in line with ngoctrang123

In conclusion, in those five countries, foot/drinks/tobacco has recorded the highest percentage of expenditure, while, leisure/education has recorded the lowest percentage spending.

in IELTS task 1, making overview is more beneficial instead of a conclusion.

Country Food/Drink/Tobacco Clothing/Footwear Leisure/Education
Ireland 28.91% 6.43% 2.21%
Italy 16.36% 9% 3.20%
Spain 18.80% 6.51% 1.98%
Sweden 15.77% 6.51% 3.22%
Turkey 32.14% 6.63% 4.35%

It is easy for you to attach picture prompt given rather than re-type it. Feature box for attaching is provided by EssayForum


Home / Writing Feedback / In undermentioned countries foot/drinks/tobacco has recorded the highest percentage of expenditures