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IELTS TASK 2 ; Unemployment is a big disaster.


Btihbk11 8 / 9  
May 24, 2016   #1
The rate of jobless person have been in high-level in the past years. The huge number of people who cannot achieve a higher education become the strongest reason. Besides, one of the problem which put into a consideration is the high rate of bankrupt companies in the recent years. The considerable solutions to deteriorate that issues are the tuition fee for higher education institution should be free. The other opinion to cope with the issues are to encourage all the citizen to be an entrepreneur.

The rate of less-educated person shows the enormous increase in recent years. This is because the amount of cost for higher education is expensive. While the cost is overpriced, most of the requirement for job vacancy requires a minimum of bachelor degree. For example, according to Cambridge Research, 80% of the company in most of the countries requires a bachelor degree as a minimum requirement. As the result, most of people cannot accomplish the higher education in the university eventually be an unemployment. Their latest education which is not a bachelor degree as the reason of repudiation.

The huge numbers of bankrupt company become one of "eye-catching" problem. The reason is an economic crisis in all over the world forces most of the companies reach an end. For instance, Nokia who leads a phone Industry in 90's era was bankrupt because of economic inflation and competitor challenges. As account of this, all the employee evolve into jobless.

As a candle in the dark, to cope with an unemployment disaster issues, there are two possible solutions offered. Firstly, the tuition fee of college should be discarded by the institution so that most of the people could obtain a higher education. Taking Germany as an example, it has implemented that policy, resulting a decline unemployment rate by 23 %. Secondly, government should give a support measure for local businessman and small enterprise, such as giving a subsidy for the local enterprise development and reducing tax for the small enterprise. The supportive policy have a beneficial effect to generate an entrepreneur generation who is not dependent on remain work field.

As a summary, the two main reasons of unemployment is a lack of higher education and the work fields cannot accommodate the high demand of jobs. Meanwhile, the abolishment of tuition fees and the production of a supportive policy to encourage the people to be an entrepreneur are the considerable solutions to cope with the issues.
rozhnaz 7 / 15  
May 24, 2016   #2
The considerable solutions to deteriorate thatthese issues are the tuition fee ...

the two main reasons of unemployment is aare the lack of higher education ...

The supportive policy havehas a beneficial effect to generate an entrepreneur ...
justivy03 - / 2,366 607  
May 24, 2016   #3
Hi Furqanda, here's additional insights on your essay.

- The rate of joblessunemployed people - person have been in high-level in the past years.
- achieve a higher education
- beca me the strongest reason.
- which put into a considerationwere considered is the
- high rate of bankrupt
- thatthis issues are
- with thethis issues

- The rate of less-educated personpeople - shows theed an enormous increase
- in the recent years.
- This is because the amount of cost for higher
- most of the requirements for job
- vacancyapplication requires a
- minimum of bachelors degree.
- countries requires a bachelors degree
- most of people cannot accomplish
- the higher education in
- the university and eventually
- be an unemploymentunemployed .
- Their latest education which is not
- a bachelors degree
- i s the reason offor repudiation.

There you have it Furqanda, I hope the corrections help, the linking verbs play a vital role in the essay as well as the form of the words you associate to it, like the past or present tense, you have to be very careful in this aspect.
Ilmi_03 47 / 69 11  
May 24, 2016   #4
Hello, Furqanda.
Here is some of my corrections. :)

The rate of jobless person havehas been in the high-level in the past years.
... cannot achieve a higher education becomes the strongest reason. Besides, one of the problems which put (...) rate of bankrupt companies recentlyin the recent years. .

The other opinion to cope with the issues areis to encourage all ...
liv_ryu 13 / 22 6  
May 25, 2016   #5
Hi Furqanda, here my corrections, i hope it will help you to keep on track in writing.

The rate of jobless personhavehas been in high-level in the past years.
The considerable solutions to deteriorate thatthose issues areis the tuition fee for higher education ...
The otheranother opinion to cope with the issuesareis to encourage all the citizens to be an entrepreneur.
Novi 7 / 6 1  
May 26, 2016   #6
Hi Furqanda, glad to read your essay, here are some suggestions for you

Paragraph 4
Secondly, government should give a support measure (In my point of view, it is better for you to say financial measure because it is more specific) for local businessman and small enterprise, such as giving a subsidy for the local enterprise development and reducing tax for the small enterprise(optional words for enterprise : venture) .

the 90's era was bankrupt because of economic inflation and competitor.
As account of this, all the employeeemployees evolve into jobless.
The supportive policy havehas a beneficial effect

keep on writing, cheers


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