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The unemployment and careless of society have impact on the rise of the crime level


Dioba 68 / 104 7  
Oct 28, 2016   #1
IELTS Writing TASK II Increasing crime

Recently, there has been a proliferation of the level of crime. There are several reasons why the crime activities are increasing and discuss some remedies to prevent it.

The predominant factors impacts on the rise of crime activities such are unemployment and careless of the society. Firstly, based on research, there is strong relationship between increasing of the jobless and the rise of criminal activities such as robberies and theft. Jobless have a tendency to do criminals such robberies in the street to fulfill their basic needs. For illustrate, in several metropolitan cities in Indonesia, the number of cases caused by robberies reach a thousand of cases during 2016. Almost of felonies gave reasons that they did the robberies to fulfill their basic needs. Secondly, commuters in big cities careless are surrounding them, particularly in public transportation and facilities. Because of careless of the people, felonies use this moment as a chance to take action, especially the time of commuters back to their home. For instance, felonies more likely take an action in public transportation such as train and bus which the situation is the cup of tea of criminals.

There are several reasons to prevent the risk in criminal activities. Firstly, rulers have a role important to make a strict policy about punishment for felonies. The predominant purpose of this policy is to make deterrent effects to the criminals and hopes can reduce criminals in the future. Secondly, modern era gives numerous of advance technology which society can use for prevent the criminals such CCTV. Nowadays, lavish of supermarket and shopping markets are using CCTV to maintain and control the situation. For illustrate, almost all of supermarket in metropolitan cities are using CCTV to control large area of their business and prevent the goods from theft.

All in all, numerous of factors such as jobless and careless of the society can tackle by several ways such as strict policy and use modern technology such CCTV. In my standpoint, participating of essentials elements such as the governments and society to make a new job opportunity.
Abrahamlincoln 54 / 56  
Oct 28, 2016   #2
Hello Brother
Let me give you some advices

The predominant factors impacts on >> .... impact on

the rise of crime activities such are unemployment ...

jobless has a tendency to do

Almost of felonies gave reasons >> ..... remarked that

Secondly, commuters in big cities careless are surrounding them (what is the relationship between busy people and increasing crime rate)

Keep writing
Kimichi89 5 / 8 1  
Oct 28, 2016   #3
good night brother
let me help you to correct this good article

... the crime activities are increasing and discuss (what is the subject of "discuss"?) some remedies to prevent it.

The predominant factors impacts ("factors" is plural) on the rise of ...
For illustrate (illustrate is a verb), in several metropolitan ...
Almost of felonies gave reasons (why) that they did ...

... a role important ( an important role) to make a strict policy ...
... use for prevent the criminals such (such as?) CCTV.
For illustrate (illustrate is a verb), almost all of supermarket in ...

... and use modern technology such CCTV (what is the connection between cctv and jobless?).

have a nice brother
thank you
Beauty17 56 / 88 5  
Oct 29, 2016   #4
Halo koko.. overall your essay was good and i found some shopisticated words..

However, i looked some words that odd.. So here my suggestion..

... activities are increasing and discuss some remedies to prevent it.

What do you mean with discuss? And also for grammatical sites it should be balance in this sentence..

... the crime activities are increasing and discussING some remedies to prevent it.

The predominant factors impactsimpact on the rise of crime activities such areas unemployment and careless of the society.

Hope it works! Good luck!


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