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An Unforgettable Dream (marriage and death)


Rosalin Becky 2 / 5  
Jun 6, 2011   #1
It's so nice to be a member of this webpage!
I just want u to help edit and give me some feedback for that... Thanks in advance :-)

An Unforgettable Dream
Last night I dreamt about an unexpected marriage which almost scared me to death. First of all, I was travelling back home from my university; when I arrived, I heard such surprising news that I was going to get married with an unknown guy in the next few months. Suddenly, I felt so shocked since it was beyond my expectation that I was too young to get involved with this issue. Then I saw many wedding invitations scattering all over the sofa with the specific date. It was on August 10th this year. After that, the guy's family came to my house to discuss the wedding party, yet he came up with a refusal and wanted to cancel the wedding. I was thinking in my mind that it would be great if he denied getting married with me, for neither did I approve of getting married in this young age. Meanwhile, his parents were so furious and got out of control. They kept asking him the reasons why things got worse like that. With a sound of panic, he answered the question that it was because he just took pity on me. Suddenly, that guy asked me whether or not I agreed with his idea. Unhesitatingly, I replied I totally agree with his idea; then, everything was solved, and I was so delighted to see this happy ending. No sooner was it solved, I woke up. After having such a dreadful dream, I really cannot forget those situations since they look so real and appalling, and I am practically scared to death because of it.

yas rose 2 / 11  
Jun 6, 2011   #2
dear rosalin
I know news is U.C and singular but I tend to think that you should add (a) after such like, such a surprising news.omit (that),

I was going to get married>>such a surprising news.I was suppose to get marry.
I felt so shocked>> since it was beyond my expectation(mind),I was shocked.
the family of groom or the groom`s family
came to my house, conversing about the wedding party.I made some changes here.
yet he came up with a refusal and wanted to..uncleared!!!seems wrong to me. I thought he was reluctent to get marry me."What if he would deny himself".I wished.or I was thinking to myself it would be great if he would refuse to marry.

that guy asked me whether or not I agreed with his idea.he asked me whether I was agreed with his idea or not."

I replied I totally agree with his idea.I definitely agree or I am definitely for your suggestion
In terms of grammer( indrect and direct speach). the accurate usage of conjuction. I hope it helps you rosalin;)wish you luck
OP Rosalin Becky 2 / 5  
Jun 6, 2011   #3
yeah! nice to get some suggestion from you.... It's really good since now i gain some ideas how to improve my paragraph writing. Thanks for your help. ;-)
dhammika1973 8 / 18  
Jun 7, 2011   #4
Rosalin Becky, I am really enjoy with your "Dream". Thank you very much for your idea. I learned something from your writings. Thanks.
OP Rosalin Becky 2 / 5  
Jun 7, 2011   #5
You are welcome! It's just a stupid dream of mine... Heheh... It seems so dumb, doesn't it? ;-)
start208 14 / 68  
Jun 7, 2011   #6
It happens that many dreams come true, so, be happy and expect a hansome man for you in days to comes unless you are so young!

Good luck .
hhh
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,335 129  
Jun 8, 2011   #7
Rosalin, you have such nice variation of sentence structures... such an enjoyable, flowing style of writing.

Usually, when someone writes such a long paragraph, it is hard to read all of it, but this one is great. You really intrigued me.

Welcome to essayforum! I don't really see any errors to correct in this piece of writing. Maybe if you tell us what the purpose is, we can share some ideas about how to make it more effective for achieving your purpose.
OP Rosalin Becky 2 / 5  
Jun 9, 2011   #8
EF_Kevin, thanks! I think my paragraph is not good enough to be submitted... I just want to see someone's comments so that i can make it better somehow... It is nice to join this essay forum... Nice to see everyone's comments... :-)
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,335 129  
Jun 12, 2011   #9
Well, maybe it meets the requirements for submission, and maybe not. But when I first read this I really enjoyed the rhythm you achieved with the structure of the sentences. You must have been in a rhythmic state of mind!

This part does not seem quite right:
No sooner was it solved, I woke up.----I don't think this seems right, but I'm not sure how to fix it! :-/

I have never used this kind of sentence before...


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