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Nofrinorman 27 / 17 8  
Nov 12, 2015   #1
Many children these days have an unhealthy lifestyle. Both schools and parents are responsible for solving this problem.
To what extent do you agree with this statement?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Nowadays, the lifestyle of youngster is unhygienic. It should be concerned to take action by schools and parents. I assertively notice that the children require a protection by close groups surrounding such as families and schools.

This trend, the children frequently consume various fast foods on the street. All day, they run much time at school and play around with their friends without control as their parents are working. For example, In a developed city, parents do not pay enormous attention for their children's health as both dad and mom have to work as high of living cost. As a result, without the surveillance of parents, they freely dine all kinds of snack which it may not be hygienic guarantee.

On one hand, the school also takes a role seriously to children's well-being. At break time, they eat some foods or snacks in a school canteen which it probably unhealthy for children. Therefore, the school certainly ensures that foodstuffs must be good for children's health. For instance, an International School carries out a survey in the school's food stores in order to prevent the availability of unhealthy foods. Consequently, the children can be unrestricted to consume the foods or snacks. It can be helpful for children's parents to keep them healthy.

To sum up, the children basically desire to savor all of kinds of foods or snacks without understanding unhealthy ingredients. Moreover, the surveillance of parents and schools is very needed to keep children's health.

Arundyna 12 / 16 2  
Nov 12, 2015   #2
let's discuss regarding your essay

i never see your idea, i encourage you to create partial agree to expand your score
you should make sure about the question
what factor can influence children except parent and school, perhaps other objects connect with Unhealthy life style.
overall, you have the best for Grammatical error, keep writing good luck.
shintacandrade 10 / 74 87  
Nov 13, 2015   #3
Based on the prompt, you are being asked 'to what extent do you agree with the statement saying that both schools and parents are responsible for solving this problem'. As such, you need to discuss:

1. Role of schools and parents
2. Anyone else who are responsible tacking this problem

In this case, you are expected to provide a counter-argument (present the other person's role to solve this issue). If you only raise this issue for schools and parents, I am afraid that you will get a low band score since you do not fully answer the question.

Here is my editing:
Children living condition in this modern era is more likely to be unhealthy. Many people believe that schools and parents have responsibility to take action in addressing this issue. While I assertively agree with this idea, I also believe that government and media should be taken into account when it comes to tackling such children's unhealthy lifestyles.

Hope this helps ~ Shinta