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'Uniting together' -In many cities, crime is increasing why do u think that happening


thanh_bin90 2 / 5 1  
Jan 3, 2013   #1
"In many cities, crime is increasing why do u think that happening? what can government do to help reduce crime level?"

In recent years, people have to face crime all over the world, especially in the cities. Moreover, there are more criminals being more dangerous day by day and there are not the sign for reducing this problem.

In my personal view, lacking of opportunities is one of the main reasons. Because most of the crime's roof is money. While money the labor requirements do not increase, population is increasing steadily, so many people who can not get the jobs have to find other ways to get money for survival. it is as a result that unemployed who have wrong thought become criminal easily. They can become thieves, robbers and even offenders.

Another reason for this problem is stress. Being worried about money, family, social relationships, pollution in cities, people get strain easily. Furthermore, they live in a competitive environment so they will be more greedy and jealous. they can treat badly to others, if that benefits for them.

Although the governments try to reduce social evils, especially crime, there have not been the decreasing sign yet. One of the solutions for this is making more jobs for poor people. in addition, the governments have to help poor children to have study chances. Base on it, children have right view about society and everything happening around them. Beside that, the governments should improve and expand the police and security systems to keep criminals away from society.

In conclusion, everyone and the governments must unite together and help each other to look forward the same purpose which is reducing the number and level of crime.

it's the first time, i have posted an essay. Please teacher on forum check my mistakes on the essay
Thank your advance :D

mnljkt25 1 / 3 1  
Jan 3, 2013   #2
Hi there!

Well the first thing I noticed from your writing is that you're struggling with grammar and sentence structures however good news is that there's always room for improvement! :) I understand the message you're trying to project however your supporting evidences are vague and not really factual. Maybe by adding factual details about crime rates in cities and recite details from studies regarding the psychological spectrum of crimes and criminals will add more depth to your essay and making it more "legit". And as you have mentioned the government in your essay, you might want to introduce the "efforts" of the government which you have commented as inefficient enough to reduce criminal rates. Why isn't it decreasing, what are the laws and regulations implemented by the government? You should be more specific and further develop your concluding statement.

Good luck with your essay!
alicederp 10 / 56 4  
Jan 3, 2013   #3
Hi,

I suggest going through your grammer first, then try to reorganize your essay such that it has better structure.

Also, you missed out the actions the government can undertake to resolve the first issue you pointed out (unless this was proposed in the solution on the third paragraph).
OP thanh_bin90 2 / 5 1  
Jan 4, 2013   #4
thank you alicederp and mnljkt25
but what problem with my grammar ? i don't know clearly your idea, Please tell me clearly about this
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Jan 8, 2013   #5
In recent years, people have to face crime all over the world, especially in the cities.

In recent years the crime rate has taken a steep increase world over, especially in the major cities.

Moreover, there are more criminals being more dangerous day by day and there are not the sign for reducing this problem.

This is not a strong sentence. It sounds a repetition of your previous sentence. At this point you need to say something that helps you achieve an alignment to your topic;

There are various reasons for this trend. Poverty, severe stress and competition are a few main reasons for this issue.
OP thanh_bin90 2 / 5 1  
Jan 18, 2013   #6
Thank for your comment so much


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