Topic: University should accept equal numbers of males and females in every subject. To what extend do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays there are universities in Vietnam do not arrange equal numbers of females and males in every subject. Since the quantity of students in registered subjects is different, there would be a gap between the numbers of female and males in some particular subjects. Therefore Universities are unable to set the gender equality in every subject, even it creates lots of advancement in study in many subjects.
By arranging gender equality in some specific subjects, it brings fairness to each gender group in class in any student activities. While males are strong gender, they can help females in many activities that need muscle efforts, but females can help with soft activities in sewing or handicraft subjects. This balance quantity also creates the study competition among students in subjects, females will study hard to compete with males in any subjects to prove their abilities and adaptation.
To sum up, while University would find it difficult to arrange equal quantity of gender in class, it considerably apply this method to increase the productivity of students in future.
- Nowadays there are universities in Vietnam (do not - DOES NOT) arrange..
- LAST PARAGRAPH; IN CONCLUSION, GENDER EQUALITY IN THE UNIVERSITY SHOULD BE CONSIDERED IN ORDER TO INCREASE PRODUCTIVITY AMONGST STUDENTS AND BRING MUCH MORE PRIDE TO THE INSTITUTION.
So, your analysis is quiet short, precise and good, just mind the following;
- sentence construction
- logic in your explanation, you seem to go back and forth with your sentences, what I mean by logic is, you follow the What,where and how. What are we talking about, where is this analysis taking place and how does this affect the subject we are referring to.
Before submission, make sure you PROOF READ your work.
Keep writing and reading too.
Cheers!!!
Hi hsustudent89,
I have some suggestions for you :
1. You need to divide your essay to be 2 body or more with introduction and conclusion.
2. In introduction, you may use general opinion or fact, so do not give an example in the first sentence.
3. In addition, if this is an IELTS essay, it needs more words (minimum 250 words)
In the ancient time, there was a big gap between men and woman with concerns to receiving education. As a consequence, young girls did not get permission to go to school, while boys could get the most prominent academy at those times. On the other hand, in recent days, universities have to admit an equal amount of men and women in every discipline. Therefore, I do strongly believe that this trend would be benefits for females and university.
Therefore Universities are unable to set the gender equality in every subject, even it creates lots of advancement in study in many subjects.
So, Universities are unable to set gender equality in every subject, even though it would create advancement in the study of many subjects.
I think you need to shorten some of your sentences. Run on sentences are difficult to read and understand. Also, your word choice needs improvement. Try to work with a dictionary and thesaurus, as you write. It is usually better to hand pick less words that are perfect than to crowd the field with a lot of verbiage.
This balance quantity also creates the study competition among students in subjects, females will study hard to compete with males in any subjects to prove their abilities and adaptation.
This balance also creates study competition among students per subject. Females will study hard to compete with males, to prove themselves.
You can leave out unnecessary words. This helps the reader to breathe, and allows the writing more focus.
In general, your essay is well written, and concise. I think you express your opinion well, but need to clear up your grammar and punctuation.
Try to elaborate it a little. I think you have something important to say, and it would be nice to see another paragraph or two, to do that.
ef_carol
