Unanswered [0] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 2

TOEFL: Should Universities Give Equal Financial Supports to Students who Do well in Sports?


Stjiang 1 / -  
Feb 27, 2016   #1
I just started prepare for TOEFL test. Below is my writing based on one of the topics in the book. I would appreciate very much if you could help me elaborate the arguments as well as grammar corrections.

thanks!

Four year's life in universities, to students is far more than about dwelling down in libraries and getting great test scores. It's a place which enables students to reach their potentials as well as discover the aspect of meaning in lives, and thus flourish in athletic fields and social part. It's understood that students who do well academically receive financial supports, yet students who excel in sports and social activities are not expected to receive financial support or equal amount as academic outstanding students do regardless of their achievements. Because of this, it's time to re-think the purpose of school funding and its allocation.

In fact, it's very important for universities to play the role of mediator that promotes activities cultivating students' mind-set. If universities would have equal rewarding system in place that rewards achievements equally students were likely to feel encouraged and motivated to participant in activities based on their interests. There are variety of different groups which are organized by students themselves on campus. These include: theater group, dancing group, reading group and so on. To lots of people, these activities would seem take up time which students could devote to study. However, students who join any of these activities would gain opportunities to interact with students from different majors. Moreover, these sporty and social activities can all help students not only understand the importance of collaborating with teammates, also how the participations in social events allow themselves to gain understandings and perspectives of others whose personalities and styles they would be encountering once they leave schools for workplaces. Most importantly, students in universities come from different backgrounds and students can learn from each other through sports and social activities and thus form friendships. These pre engaging activities can help students get better adjusted to some fundamental aspects of a society. Given these reasons mentioned above, students should be rewarded equally for the achievements they have accomplished in the fields of sports and social domain.

As for these who don't share same opinions, there are arguments against universities reward students with their outstanding sports and social events performances for they believe students should strive for academic achievements and thus financial support should be mostly allocated to recognizing and encouraging these academic related achievements. As for these students who are good at sports and social activities, their talents would not be taken serious and as the result, efforts they make would not be recognized in terms of getting funded,as these who do well in academics. Moreover, they would argue that schools are places in where that promote the academic knowledge and advancements. Sports and social activities should not be placed as much value as academic field, and shouldn't be rewarded equally as a result. Having the school funds allocated for academic purpose in aligned with the funding's intent. There should be other programs that reward people who do well in sports like Olympic. As far as I am concerned, I strongly believe collages and universities are the highest educational institutions and thus student's overall well being is considered the top priority for them. Collages should promote and help students develop the skills which students can apply to society after their graduations. For these students who solely devoted to text books and classes would only limited themselves to experiences of others who put in books. By contrast, for those who join sports and social activities would improve their collaboration, communication skills in addition to accommodating others. These improved skills through sports and social activities can't be learned otherwise from sole research and home work or through the experiences of professors. These skills are learnt through self-experience. In an event of sport, students need work with their teammates in order to bit their opponents, and the nature of a sport would help students understand what competition is and what they should do in terms of gaining understandings of their teammates and perspectives of others who are on the other side.

Moreover, encouraging students to engage in social activities and practicing in sports should be placed high value instead of focusing on academic results solely in universities. If universities don't offer the opportunities to students to practice what they have learned first before they find out whether or not they can actually do the work in workplaces. Who should? In my opinion, what sets university apart from middle school, or high school is that students are able to develop autonomous learning approach which is baed on interest, and thus university is a place to promote diversity which is needed and valued in society. In conclusion, students should be recognized and should be rewarded for these who make achievements in their chosen domains.

Linda91 30 / 40 3  
Feb 28, 2016   #2
In fact, it's (avoid to use ' ) It is very important for universities to play ...

Moreover, these sporty sports and social activities can all help
... sports and social activities and thus formING friendships.
... students should be rewarded equally for the achievements AND they have accomplished in ...


Home / Writing Feedback / TOEFL: Should Universities Give Equal Financial Supports to Students who Do well in Sports?