Unanswered [4] | Urgent [0]

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3

I disagree that university should accept same number of men and women in each subjects.

Chi Han 3 / 4 2  
Oct 16, 2017   #1
University should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?

characteristics of students

Here's my answer:
Nowadays, gender equality is an important right for all, and I totally agree with it. However, sometimes this right is exaggerated or even abused in some issues, one of which is the topic. Thus, I disagree that university should accept same men and women in each subjects.

In my opinion, university should be concentrated on of interest, passion and ability rather than the gender of the student because these characteristics are what matters. If it is implemented, the university must strike and balance between male and female in numbers. In order to do so, many students will lose the opportunity to dedicate themselves further, and they will be the sacrifice of the strange regulation. Everybody should have access to university, no matter the race, gender, identity of the student. When the school choose to ignore a competent student due to the regulation of gender equality, it loses the ultimate goal of education and it can no longer be called "school".

In addition, the topic only mentions male and female, and it is unfair for the group of LGBT. They are an independent group of gender, and they should not be cruelly classified to male or female. The gender equality is not just for boys and girls, they should be included as well. University should satisfy their right for education.

To me, the characteristics of students are the most valuable and worth attention. Thus, I think that the university should not accept equal numbers of male and female in every subject. There is something more important to focus on.

Appreciate it for correcting the essay or scoring it in terms of academic IELTS band! :)

TJLuschen - / 241 203  
Oct 17, 2017   #2
I thought your writing was pretty good. I think lesbians, gays, bisexuals, and even transgender people all consider themselves as one gender, either male or female. The only categories your third paragraph would apply to is intersex or non-binary students. If you want to pursue this line of reasoning, I think you have to be more specific than LGBT. And it seems like you are arguing that if there are quotas, there should also be an LGBT quota, but that goes against your whole thesis. Here are some specific suggestions:

I disagree that universities should accept same equal numbers of men and women in each subject.

In my opinion, a university should be focused on {or "should concentrate on ..." } of interest,

If an equality policy is implemented,

strike a balance between

the sacrifice to the strange {or "be sacrificed by the strange"}

matter the race, gender, or identity

the school chooses to ignore

an independent group of gender group, and they

classified as male or female.

boys and girls, {semicolon here} they should be included

The University should satisfy ...

To me, the characteristics {well, one characteristic is their gender - maybe be more clear as to what characteristics are more important}
Holt [Contributor] - / 7,877 2159  
Oct 17, 2017   #3
Lu, since this is an "extent" essay, you cannot simply say that you disagree. There has a to be a measurement of the disagreement such as "I strongly disagree, I partially disagree, I disagree to a certain extent, I disagree with reservations, etc." That way, the measurement of your discussion will also be indicated. By the way, while you make some pretty good points in your second paragraph, you created a prompt deviation when you discussed the LGBT community. You are not allowed to introduce a new topic for discussion in the essay. Most specially a topic that you chose to introduce which is not directly related to the original prompt discussion. Your opinion does not matter in this instance so the representation of the LGBT community is unwarranted in the essay. It was not part of the original discussion. Do you know what you did by deviating from the original discussion topic and introducing your own topic for discussion in a separate paragraph? You just made sure that the examiner will give your whole essay a failing score due to your inability to follow instructions. I am sad to say that but it is true. The essay will fail because of your severe prompt deviation. Learn to stay within the expected parameters of discussion. Do not go past the borders, you will fail the test. That is guaranteed.

Home / Writing Feedback / I disagree that university should accept same number of men and women in each subjects.