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[IELTS WRITING TASK 2] The purpose of a university degree

hien082nguyen 1 / -  
Feb 13, 2020   #1
Hi, I'm working on my writing task 2 so hopefully you guys can give me some advice. Thank you

The aim of studying

TOPIC: Some people believe the aim of university education is to help graduates get better jobs. Others believe there are much wider benefits of university education for both individuals and society.

Discuss both views and give your opinion.

These days, more and more people considering getting a university degree.

Obviously, one of the main reasons why people go to university is that they want to secure a better job. In such a competitive work market in today's society, having a university degree will help job seekers enhance their career prospects since most employers consider graduates to have better specialist knowledge and personal marketable skills. It is undeniable that those who don't go to university may manage to train themselves, but taking courses at university is believed to be an easier and faster path.

However, there are other benefits for individuals and society. Firstly, living away from home helps students to be more independent and develop social skills. A case in point is that many young adults have to leave their families, adapt to a new environment and make new friends. As a result, they will gain more confidence and experience which will help them quickly accommodate themselves to new working environment after graduating. Secondly, society will gain from the contribution that will graduates can make to the economy. Since the world is changing at an incredibly fast rate, employers expect well-qualified candidates for their companies and thus improve the society's labour force.

In conclusion, I believe that although the main aim of education is to help graduates get the best job, there are clearly further benefits. If we continue to promote and encourage university attendance, it will lead to a better future for society and individuals

V184ht 1 / 3 3  
Feb 14, 2020   #2

I'm not a professional writer, but here are some advice that you may consider.

I think for the introduction, you would think of a hook that might attract your readers more. For example, It is widely believed that a university degree is critical and necessary to get a proper job; yet, most people overlook other benefits that they can acquire during their uni education.

For your 2nd paragraph, to me, ideas are kind of unclear.

"Firstly, living away from home ... A case in point is that many ..."

I don't understand why this would be related to the topic since not all students live in the dorm while they're in uni. To my understanding, I think this topic presents 2 views: uni education is good only for individuals, and uni education is good for both individuals and society. So, uni education is just not only for getting a job and serve your wallets, but it is also an opportunity to networking, gaining experience through volunteer or other activities, etc. and since you have the knowledge, you are contributing something to the community. Education is, of course, essential for everyone, and there are things that you can only learn in uni. Also, a highly educated person does help make society grow stronger and faster.

I hope this helps!
Holt [Contributor] - / 7,904 2173  
Feb 14, 2020   #3
This is a three point of view discussion paper. You did not address the discussion in that manner. You wrote the essay in a sole point of view reference point. That mistake clearly shows the examiner that you do not have a good understanding of the English language. Your prompt paraphrase does not refer to the original discussion topic, reasons, and manner of discussion either. All of these will combine to give you a TA score of 1. The reason? Your answer is not related to the task. With such a score, you cannot expect to score high enough in the remaining sections to achieve a passing mark or a band score of 5.

The proper format would have been:

A limited number of society are of the opinion that an undergraduate degree can help bachelor degree holders attain valuable employment. This is in comparison to the opinion of others which is that baccalaureate recipients have a better use of their education since they can help the overall population of their country based on their line of work. I believe it is time to consider these differing opinions so that I can develop my own point of view regarding the topic.

Now, the first part of the discussion is that people...

When one considers the opposing view that believes...

Both sides considered, I have come to support the idea that...

So, when one thinks of... in the end

It is important to highlight how well you understand the topic and the discussion requirements by properly presenting the discussion using topic sentences at the start of each body paragraph.

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