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IELTS WT 2 - A university degree gain higher chance to get a well-paid job than school graduates


Hettymsk 9 / 9 9  
Jun 8, 2015   #1
Many people say that the only way to guarantee getting a good job is to complete a course of university education. Others claim that it is better to start work after school and gain experience in the world of work.

Getting a good job is becoming harder nowadays since there is a global competition in job seeking which makes people from all over the world have the same chances to work in particular companies or organizations. In order to be qualified to get a well-paid job, some people believe that the only way is to complete a university degree. While others think that directly working after school is a better start to gain experience in the real workplace. Despite the two different views, I personally believe that finishing a university level of education gives people a greater chance to get a better job than those who do not.

Many people argue that university opens the door to well-paid job opportunities. Firstly, studying in university enables the students to master particular subjects that would be used to work in future career paths. For example, someone who wants to be a doctor should complete a medical profession course before they are able to work in a hospital. Secondly, many multinational companies conduct campus hiring programs in some universities where students are given the chance to join recruitment test in their campus without visiting the companies' offices. There is also higher chance to get recruited by the companies through campus hiring programs. For example, a specific public accounting firm hold a campus hiring in a certain university in Jakarta where graduated accounting students and other related majors students can join the recruitment test and the result of the test would be given to the university's career center, so that the students can easily follow up the recruitment process. It is evident that only graduated university students have the chance to get well-paid jobs in such a competition.

On the contrary, others claim it is better for students to directly work after school. The main reason is gaining experiences of work in their early ages can help them to build character when they grow up. They will learn how to be responsible of their work, how to face their employers, and how to deal with problems in the workplace. Working right after school may gives such advantages, but the thing is they do not have the chances to work in companies as officers in the companies or organizations. They do not the ability of certain subjects and skills that are needed for such jobs because they were learning a wide range of subjects in the school without any specification. A research showed that mostly in some developing countries students directly went to work after school but most of the time they work as low-paid workers such as waitress in a restaurant, cashier in a shop, or factory workers. As they only finish high school level of education, they do not have adequate knowledge and skills that are required to obtain particular career. It is obvious that school graduates are unlikely to get a well-paid job.

However, I strongly believe that having at least bachelor degree is at advantage since there is also internship programs in the university curriculum which offers the students to experience workplace before they are going to compete for job hunting, Yet working after school also gives positive value to the youngsters but that does not give them opportunity to gain a high position as they are not qualified.

In conclusion, either working after school or university gives positive values to youngsters but it is clear that a higher education level is required to meet the qualification of certain career. I hope people especially parents are more aware of their children future and encourage them to continue their study till university degree in order to get well-paid jobs.

justivy03 - / 2,367 607  
Jun 8, 2015   #2
- FirstlyFirst , studying in university enables the students to master particular subjects that would be used to work in future career paths.

- SecondlySecond , many multinational companies conduct campus hiring programs in some universities where students are given the chance to join recruitment test in their campus without visiting the companies' ( omit the apostrophe on "companies", the word can stand alone without the punctuation mark) offices.

- For example, a specific public accounting firm hold a campus hiring in a certain university in Jakarta where graduatedgraduate accounting students...

- It is evident that only graduatedgraduate university students have the chance to get well-paid jobs in such a competition.

- They do not have the ability of certain subjects and skills that are needed for such jobs because they were learning a wide range of subjects in the school without any specification.

- A research showed that mostly in somein most developing countries students directly went to work after school but most of the time they work as low-paid workers such as waitress in a restaurant, cashier in a shop, or factory workers.

Hetty, I made a few corrections on your essay as you can see above.
I would also like to add the following;

- to note your first opinion, "First" is more than enough

- your word choice is very good and well compensated the message you wanted to send across

Keep writing

Cheers!!!
Jaggi7921 13 / 22  
Jun 8, 2015   #3
The thing that u much needed is reduce the explanation.
In the second paragraph the second example is too long.
In third para,again same thing u expalin more but there is only one point which u need to close in three or four lines.

Tnx.


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