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[TOEFL] university dormitories or apartments in the community?


something 23 / 52 5  
Dec 27, 2013   #1
TOPIC : Students at universities often have a choice of places to live. They may
choose to live in university dormitories, or they may choose to live in
apartments in the community. Compare the advantages of living in
university housing with the advantages of living in an apartment in the
community. Where would you prefer to live? Give reasons for your
preference.


Universities are important for students who want to gain their knowledge in order to pursue their goal. When all students get acceptance from universities, then they have to choose where to live between dormitories at universities or apartments in the community. Both choices offer advantages and disadvantages.

To begin with, living in apartments in the community has many advantages. First, there are not have so much rules to live in apartment if comparing with living in dormitory. Students could back their place any time they want to. Second, students are also have more privacy because they do not have to share room with other students who sometimes might have trouble with each other. Third, mostly, price to live apartments in the community is cheaper than price to live in dormitory. Thus, students could save more money. In contrast, frist, living in apartments is less secure than dormitories because there are no security systems. Second, apartment in the community may far from university. Consequently, it is difficult for students to go to university because it take time to go to university.

On the other hand, there are advantages of living dormitories. First, dormitory provides best emvironment for students to study, have activities in university, make friends. Second, students do not have to waste their time to commute between their place to university. Student could use these time to student, to do activities, and so on. Third, living in dormitory is more secure because there have security system. In contrary, dormitories have strick roles that every student has to follow such as limit time to access. Moreover, living in dormitory, students have to share their room with other sutdents which this is less privacy. Furthermore, price for living in dormitory is higher than price living in apartment in community.

In my conclusion, living in apartment in the community and dormitory in university has both advantages and disadvantages. In my opinon, I would prefer to live in apartments in community rather than live in dormitory because I can have private space which is encoraged me to focus on my study. Beside, rental for apartments is cheaper. Thus, I could use these money to buy more materials for study. Moreover, I could feel more free in apartments without too many strict roles. These are reasons that I choose to live in apartment in the community.
sharonpan 1 / 3  
Dec 27, 2013   #2
These are just some advice from a student, and my mother language is NOT English. I took part in the TOEFL before, and I got 25 in the writing part. Hope they are helpful.

1. The sentence"when...., ..."
You do not need use it like "when..., then..." .
2. In my opinon, I would prefer to live in apartments in community rather than live in dormitory because I can have private space which is encoraged me to focus on my study.

which encorages me to focus on my study
3. Student could use these time to student, to do activities, and so on.
Is it should be like"Student could use these time to study, to do activities, and so on."? You could also change and so on to etc..
Pahan 1 / 1,906 553  
Dec 27, 2013   #3
Both choices offer advantages and disadvantages.

.... What is your choice? That is what the reader would want to know. Always have your position on the argument in the introduction and ideally, it should be the last sentence of your introduction.

First, there are not have so much rules to livefollow in apartment if comparingwhen compared with living in dormitory.

... this has grammar issues;
First, there are not many strict rules that students need to be abide with when they live in apartments compared to living in a dormitory.

You give about three reasons to justify the benefits of living in an apartment. However, you do not provide any specific examples to support your reasons. It is a must for this task for you to earn a good score.
dumi 1 / 6,925 1592  
Dec 27, 2013   #4
On the other hand, there are advantages of living in dormitories too.

First, dormitory provides best emvironmentenvironment for students to study, have activities in university, make friends. Second, students do not have to waste their time to commute between their place to university.

First, the dormitories provide best environment for the students to study, engage in college activities, networking with others etc.
Limit one reason per para and give a specific example to support that reason.

You give about three reasons to justify the benefits of living in an apartment. However, you do not provide any specific examples to support your reasons. It is a must for this task for you to earn a good score.

This is true.... Don't crowd your body paras with too many reasons, but make sure you provide examples to support your reasons. That's the best way to earn marks at TOEFL.
OP something 23 / 52 5  
Dec 28, 2013   #5
Thank you for your recommendation. I will tray by best to improve my writing skill.


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