Some people think the purpose of university education is to prepare students for employment while others think it has other functions. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Every year, a great number of high school students compete against each other for entering university as they tend to believe that a decent job will wait for them after graduation in college.
Indeed, university education fosters students with basic knowledge. Being equipped with particular skill, there is no doubt to find a well-paid job in the future. Take the medical students for example, what they learn in university mainly focus on how to be a doctor or nurse. Thus, it is easy to find out that most of their courses are related to disease and medicine.
A large majority people, however, misunderstand the function of university. To gain a promising job is a reward for an excellent student, but not the ultimate goal for university education. Specifically, university offers students a wider platform to present themselves in front of others, helping students become more confident. After four year university's training, students have adequate ability to shoulder the stress from the complex society. In contract, the basic knowledge that high school student acquired mainly restricted in books-theoretical knowledge. Fewer of them attempt to enter society, which renders them hardly adapt themselves to the fierce competition in the job market. But though the practical activities, such as presentation and internship, held in university, graduates could become more mature.
To conclude, university education not just simply focuses on future employment, but pay more attention to students' self-improvement in dealing with different situation.
i think u should add some linking clauses from paragraph 2 to para 3. there are something not related in these paragraph. but your ideas are great. :D there have been some problems about your vocabulary. eg: become more maturely not mature.
Add at least 2 sentences to that first paragraph. Choose an argument, and make it. Mention both views, and then give a sentence that tells the MAIN IDEA YOU WANT TO SHARE WITH THIS ESSAY.
Always use OF with this expression:
A large majority of people...
In contract,????? the basic knowledge ...
The most important paragraph in any essay is the first paragraph. Make sure it has at least 2 or 3 sentences. Sum up your main idea in that paragraph.
:-)
''In contract'',Maybe you want to mean''In contrast''??
I find you the topic sentence, it is a good way to express.I discover you come from China, I come from Hong Kong. Nice to meet you ^.^
Hi there, here are my thoughts/corrections towards your essay:
First, it's a good essay, though a bit short for an IELTS essay, you need to add write more to make your arguments in paragraph 2 stronger.
Second, may I correct you on this? ...a decent job will wait for them await them after graduation in college. (...they could get a decent job after graduating from collage.)
Take the medical students for example, -> should it be like this... For example, medical students learn and develop their skills to be a good doctor or nurse from university.
In contract ... In contrast, the basic knowledge that high school students acquired acquires is mainly restricted in books-theoretical knowledge.
Thanks again~~
Without Internet for half a month, I will keep improving~~ thx~
