University education helps get a better job or give more benefits for both individuals and society

Help me with my essay. Thanks a million ^^
Nowadays many people think that university education is a steady way in our life and make a choice of learning in university. Some believe that it can help them assure a good job after graduating. Others believe the goal of university is much more intensive with broadening benefits for both individuals and society.

First of all, it is obviously true that with the support of university degree people can get a higher position in our career. They think that this can help maintain and keep the pace of the improvement in their life slowly but effectively. For the majority of students who attend university, this is an ideal prospect.

However there are more benefits you can have from university education.In the first place, we can take the advantage of leaving far from home and family to grow up. The point here is that students can have more experiences on their own . We have to learn ourselves the typical solutions to approach our daily problems. In addition this is a good chance for us to improve our skills and abilities such as: communication skills, working skills, self-studying skills, and living skills also. We will have to learn and take responsibility for what we have done. There's no doubt that it can make us more mature and independent. Thus we will feel more self-confident when interfacing to the real life.

Moreover, as you know our world today is the dawn of the commercialized civilization, this situation will lead us to join the economy, working part time helps us have more first hand experience. We will know the strategy of working and living and play a part in doing contribution to society. As well we will have to live economically and understand the value of the money we can earn.

In conclusion, it can't be denied that how important and meaningful university education play a part in students' lives. Improving your attendance in university leads to get a good job and take advantages for individuals and society also.

Dear cookie234
I read your manuscript, and there are many flaw. First, you write too long in one paragraph and short in another. please be careful about how many words you type. the other things I can tell you is that introduction and conclusion are short. You should write more.

The last fault is avoiding of using example in your body. It helps to increase your score. This example can be either your experience or illustration.

regards, marned

Thank you so much for helping me. I am just a secondary student, so it seems so hard for me to start writing essays .

Your welcome,
I don't think like you. I think you can write easily by keeping writing.
Write more and more. I'm sure you can.