UNIVERSITY EDUCATION IS IMPORTANT OR NOT?

hi! I need help with my essay. PLEASE!
Here is the topic.

Some people think that to have a successful life you have to have university education, while others think it's not that important. Discuss both views and give your opinion based on personal experience and knowledge.

It is not uncommon for some youngsters to give up on university education due to either their preference to work or their incapability of affording the tuition of higher education. It is my view that young people should be encouraged to attend university if possible.

The benefits that college education can yield for the young are truly overwhelming. The most significant one is that college students are able to acquire theoretical knowledge through taking a variety of lectures, which enables them to get a basic perspective of everything in life. This will be very helpful to youngsters' future life. Also, the campus life is generally regarded as a precious part of a person's life because college students develop maturity, independence and important abilities in university. Besides, young people can obtain degree or certificate after graduating from the college, which makes them more competitive in the modern society where the competition is increasingly stiff.

On the other hand, some individuals argue that people can succeed even without university education. It is true that there exist some successful people who have not attended university or drop out of college. This can be best illustrated with the example of the great businessman Bill Gates, who, though dropping out of Harvard, has ever become the wealthiest person in the world. However, not everyone can become another bill gates. As an ordinary person, we would be well-advised to attend university to gain knowledge and skills as well as the degree and certificate that are still very essential for us to get a good job.

My view is that university education is necessary to the young. I think it would be a great loss for us to miss the campus life. Therefore, young people who can afford to attend college should cherish this precious opportunity.

... you need to be specific in your opinion. If you say "if possible", then you need to explain why you say so.... Otherwise, leave it out.


...strong sentence :)
I guess you are preparing for IELTS or TOEFL writing tasks. If so, I feel you better provide examples of more specific nature than general examples. These tasks call for more specific examples :)


there you are... This is very straight... this is how you should have expressed your opinion in the introduction :)

not uncommon -- common

As an ordinary person, we would be well-advised to attend university to gain knowledge and skills as well as the degree and certificate that are still very essential for us to get a good job.--- I think this sentence should not be included in the third paragraph since you are discussing about the other view. I suggest to incorporate it in the second para to achieve good organization of ideas:)

I agree with Dumi that you should omit the last sentence in your introduction unless you will support it with a relevant detail.