Unanswered [5] | Urgent [0]

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 2

A university education should include an internship or some type of work experience.

SakiCCS 1 / -  
Nov 30, 2017   #1

more internships for students

When it comes to work recruitment, work experience plays an important role on whether the employers want to hire you or not. This challenges fresh graduate students since their lack of experience. Through so, universities should put emphasis on providing students, especially senior ones, with the inclusion of internship in their curriculum.

Initially, internship trains students' courage and ability to deal with problems. Trouble does happen around the clock, only when having struggled from difficulty once do students have enough maturity to cope with it. Internship is such an invaluable opportunity for students to do so, since mistakes made during internship program only act as experience and do not cause any harm to you. Make a comparison between two students, the first one graduate with an A but has never been on the internship program whereas the second one only graduate with an B but owes a broad experience. These two work in the same company and cooperate for a project. When there are difficulties, the first one is totally struggle with them and not able to figure out ways to manage all the problems because he/she has not been taught during his/her university. On the other hand, the second one, along with his/her extensive experience, now can easily dismiss obstacles and achieve success and promotion. It is true to say that although a gap between theory and real operation is noticeable, students can only realize it when they actually work.

Secondly, working as trainees for companies in internship program can bring chances of future enrollment to students. Performances during internship program is the mean to achieve this. The better you perform, the greater chance you will have for being hired after your graduation. If you tend to work hard and effectively, there is no reason for the employers to not select you as they have already seen your passion and how intelligent you are. Furthermore, students can make a last-minute decision on whether they chose the right career for themselves during this real-time set. There are students who are on second thought after internship program because they find the job no longer suitable for them.

In conclusion, due to aforementioned reasons, internship or some type of work experience should be included in university education.

Holt [Contributor] - / 8,621 2516  
Dec 1, 2017   #2
Trà , which of the English tests are you preparing for? IELTS or TOEFL? Also, what is the complete prompt that you are responding to? I read your opening paragraph and could not understand what the point of the essay is because you obviously have not presented a proper restatement of the discussion topic and instructions in the first paragraph. So I will not be able to help you improve your presentation in terms of TA requirements. If I may though, the opening paragraph should contain the following:

1. The topic for discussion.
2. The reason for the discussion.
3. The discussion method

Your opening sentence doesn't properly introduce the topic for discussion so it cannot be considered an appropriate opening presentation for a Task 2 essay (for IELTS) or prompt restatement (for TOEFL).

Your succeeding paragraphs are also improperly formatted. You are given only 5 sentences per paragraph to discuss your essay. You should have divided your second paragraph into 2 since you are allowed a reasoning discussion covering 3 paragraphs. That helps you to better focus the discussion per paragraph. The point of these English tests is to decide whether you have the ability to present your thoughts in coherent English, within a limited number of sentences.

Your discussion does not seem to have a proper direction. There is no point to the discussion aside from showing off your knowledge about the topic. I really wish you had provided the prompt when you uploaded the essay. I am frustrated because I can only give you one piece of advice per thread and right now, I am limited in the way I can help you improve due to lack of data.

Please remember that a concluding paragraph still needs at least 3 sentences because it is supposed to present the summarized form of your prompt discussion. You cannot do that in a single sentence. That will lower your scoring considerations immensely.

Home / Writing Feedback / A university education should include an internship or some type of work experience.