University education should be restricted to the very best academic students, rather than being available to a large proportion of young people.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?
At the entrance university examination, the prospective students' application mainly selected based on their overall academic performance at high school. It is argued that higher education only provided to the youngsters who have an outstanding academic performance. As a result, only low percentage of young generation can attend university. In my opinion, I believe that it should be accessible to everyone.
The term of outstanding academic performer can lead to an injustice judgement. Genetic factor plays an important role in developing a smart person. But this factor is not enough. In fact, intelligence is affected by many factors which strongly related to how much money you invest. This can be ranged from simple to complicated things. Brain needs nutritious foods as well as supplements to develop well even since we are at our fetus stage. Thus, we obviously have to increase our budget to fulfill this kind of needs. Other factor is the education facilities that we can afford such as schools, tutors, and books. Its price often followed by its quality. The more we pay, the more we are likely to get high quality. All of this can only be afforded by the richs. The poors experience difficulty in providing the nutritious foods and education facilities for their children. As a consequence, the group which comprises of very best students at school often belong to the richs. However, nowadays many scholarships are available for the poors. They can successfully graduated. In fact, there are many cases that their life a way much better if they have their university degree. When the restriction is imposed, they don't have the equal right to pursue their degree in tertiary education.
Education is a long-term investment for the future of a nation. Its benefits are going back to the whole society. By giving an equal chance, there will be more population that hold their university degree. Each person give their best effort because they have a skill in particular area which they had acquired in university. They can be seen as the country's assets to improve the quality of its human resources and, moreover, accelerate its economic development.
To sum up, I completely disagree that the university is merely an exclusive place for those who marked as an outstanding student. However, everyone is capable in pursuing their degree. Therefore, higher education should be provided for all.
Some of the common mistakes I see is forgetting to place a or the before a noun.
1st paragraph: 1st sentence: is mainly selected...in high school. 2nd sentence: higher education is, 3rd sentence: a low percentage, the younger generation...a university
2nd paragraph: I think in this paragraph you are discussing how poverty and nutrition play a role in how a student performs academically. Thus, one student may outperform another because he or she has the opportunity financially and nutritionally to perform better. You need to change your opening statement to help the reader to understand what you will be discussing. I see many instances of you stating "richs" or "poors". Change this throughout the paragraph to rich and poor. I would suggest not making it plural.
Here are some more changes I suggest in order by sentence:
-When you discuss factor of intelligence you want to change to: is strongly related.
-Change the opening sentence to: This can vary.
-Take out the fetus stage
-Make kinds of needs plural. It should be these kinds of needs
-Open the next sentence with, "Another factor".
-When you make a comparison you can use a term such as: is related to. Therefore, you make it clear that the quality of education can be related to how much a person spends.
-If you mention high quality at the end of a sentence, this does not tell the reader what you are discussing. You should state high quality education.
- "...the groups that are comprised of the very best students at school often belong to the rich."
-You should state "successfully graduate", because you are using the word can and this is in the present tense.
-life is way
- Explain what is meant by the restriction is imposed.
3rd paragraph: I made a few changes but you may have to revise it a bit more. In the second sentence you want to discuss how students have an equal chance and there will be more of the population that earns their degree.
4th paragraph: Are you discussing those who are an outstanding student? Also, do you feel everyone is capable of pursing their degree? You could add two more sentences to make this paragraph better.
