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IELTS TASK 2 - University purpose opinions

piay 2 / 3  
Jul 31, 2017   #1
Ques: some people believe the aim of university education is to help graduates get better jobs. Others believe there are much wider benefits of university education for both individuals and society. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

benefits of studying

Education is of vital importance to the growth of individuals and society as a whole, which means it merits an enormous amount of consideration. The notion that tertiary education serves the foremost purpose of generating high qualitied workers has been refuted by those who suppose universities have a greater number of roles to play besides assuring career path for school leavers.

Initially, let's look at the first view. Universities were originally vocational training schools whose scope was to provide students with hands-on skills in a given profession. As now people lay the hope of future development over college students who will constitute the main drive of state's prosperity, higher education would turn to be useless with failure to have practical workforce as output. Intensive labour economy replaced by knowledge-based economy, those attending universities must have advantages over others in securing employment. Furthermore, monetary investment in tertiary education is huge, hence, should be worthing and pay off financially afterward. Therefore, higher education needs to fulfill the role as an instrument for combating unemployment and a ticket to a well-paid desirable job, in turn for the state's support and government funding.

Moving forward onto the other perception of education, one can argue that intrinsically, higher education can definitely bring more benefits that should not be overlooked by either individuals or the society. Aside from becoming a successful income earner, college students now tend to persue tertiary educational opportunities for a wider range of goals and aspirations. Areas such as arts, philosophy, psychology and human sciences may help individuals gain a better understanding of humanity and figure out their own purposes of life. To a larger extent, university graduates who have undergone the environment of discipline and self-independence will stablize the well-being of society by their moral codes of behaviour such as giving priority to the elderly or pregnant women in public services.

Both views elaborated above, I believe the two opinions can be reconciled. Universities can be a facilitator of favourable jobs, as well as a platform for other educational pursuits, which benefits students themselves and society one way or another.

Holt [Contributor] - / 9,723 3064  
Jul 31, 2017   #2
Anh, your essay has a number of problems. The first, is that you did not properly outline the essay in the opening statement. While you did do a very good job at representing the two sides for discussion, you stopped short of doing 2 important things in the opening statement:

1. Indicate that you will be discussing both points of view in the essay;
2. Inform the reader that your opinion (without actually mentioning what it is) will be discussed towards the end of the essay.

Your presentation of reasons in the first paragraph is highly confusing. It seems to be discussing too many reasons all at once. What you should be doing is discussing only one point in a well presented and understandable manner to the reader. You do not need to present too many reasons in the essay. You just need to present one in every paragraph that the reader can easily understand. I can tell that you were trying to create complex sentences in your essay. Instead, you created unfocused sentences that often became run-on sentences instead. This is specially evident in the second and third paragraphs in the essay.

As for your personal opinion. You need to develop the discussion further because you only have 2 sentences of explanation which does not represent the mandatory 3 sentence minimum requirement per paragraph, including the concluding paragraph. The reason you are being asked to write up to 5 sentences is because that is the only way you can prove that you understand the instructions and that you are capable of making yourself understood to the reader when you write in English.

There is a lack of concluding statement in this essay. Most students often make the mistake of trying to have a very short personal opinion represent the concluding statement. Since you are expected to write by a certain academic standard, this type of writing is unacceptable. If you cannot present a paragraph at the end that represents a restated prompt discussion, summary of the discussion, and a reiteration of your personal opinion, then the essay will get a lower task accuracy score in the final consideration.
OP piay 2 / 3  
Jul 31, 2017   #3
Thanks for your comment! But I have a question. You said a complete paragraph requires at least 3 sentences but I have read some proved essays which have only 1 or 2 sentences in concluding paragraph. Can you explain to me? Thanks a lot
hi021132 6 / 11 4  
Aug 1, 2017   #4
Hi, I think it is better to add some examples on top of your explanation because it makes the essay more convincing. I hope this can help.

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