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University should not specifically accept more girls or boys for whatever purpose


MH_tw 4 / 5  
Jan 25, 2017   #1
Write about the following topic:
University should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?


Answer:

uneven number of both sexes students



I do agree that university should accept the same number of male or female student in every subject. University should not specifically accept more girls or boys for whatever purpose. Of course,university must have no bias on male or female .They judge students by their GPA, expertise, sport performance, or characteristics. They should concern that whether abilities of the student fulfill the subject .

But what if there are more female/male students want to go to some subjects? What if the bias and the sexist have already existed in society? People grow up with those perception which affect us on our choices. There are more female nurses than male ones.There are more male police officers than female ones. People could see this phenomenon at a lot of work. These factors would make affect us on decisions including which subject we choose.So, if there are more male student want to major in some subject ,university would naturally accept more male student. No matter university means it or not. But it doesn't mean university has bias.

So this is not a question about how should university be fair or what is my opinion about how university may have prejudges. The point is how we jump off the stereotype in society to find what we really want to be. The first step is that education system should portray the idea about equality or looking for our own interests before we choosing the subject or work in the future. People should not be judged only by appearance or gender.

ayuriska 7 / 13 1  
Jan 25, 2017   #2
Hi @MH_tw due to the fact that this essay is ielts writing task 2, you should write this essay more formal, reducing question statement and writing systematically. For instance, in the first paragraph you should paraphrase the question before state your argument.

In my opininion, you have not built your idea clearly, you should explain more deeply about the reason. Well, in the last paragraph, adding conclusion will be better.

thanks
Holt - / 7,528 2001  
Jan 25, 2017   #3
Ho, you approached this essay from the wrong perspective. In fact, you seem to have decided to answer a totally different question from the one posed before you towards the end of the essay. This could not score any higher than a 1 in my opinion because of the way that you deviated totally from the standard IELTS task 2 presentation. The problems of your essay include, but are not limited, to the following:

1. Improper paraphrasing of the prompt requirement. A discussion of your personal opinion does not belong in the introductory statement. Only an overview of the prompt and its supporting discussions are required in this part.

2. You are posing questions in the essay that, although related to the original prompt, you do not properly respond to in the paragraph. Thus, the paragraph becomes weak, irrelevant, and inappropriate for the discussion.

3. Your conclusion does not relate to the prompt requirement at all. It discusses a totally different question from the original prompt. Which would in the end result in this essay totally failing in the task accuracy score.

These major problems with your essay show a lack of English comprehension abilities. As such, you need to practice your reading comprehension exercises more, prior to writing more practice tests. Otherwise, you will continue to make the same mistakes and not improve regardless of how many essays you practice writing.


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