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Essay about whether university students must pay all tuition fees

haiinnn 1 / -  
Sep 15, 2017   #1
University students must pay all tuition fees, because it benefits mostly them individually, rather than society as a whole.
Do you agree or disagree?

financial burden for college students

It has been argued that it is mandatory for undergraduates to cover all their tuition fees as they benefit mainly from it, not the community. This essay disagrees with this opinion because not all students can afford to pay the costs and university can be of benefit to society as well as the students.

To begin with, university's tuition fees in general are costly in most of the countries all over the world, particularly in countries which have high-quality education such as the UK, the USA and Australia. It is estimated that the tuition fee per year in European countries is 12,000 dollars, which is a big deal of money for many students, especially those from less developed areas and nations. If they are not supported with scholarships or financial aids, they will not stand a chance to enter those universities regardless of their high potential, which is a waste of intellectual resources.

Secondly, it is undeniable that university can be advantageous to society. High-performing students after graduating from universities and colleges can serve the community in different fields, namely lawyers, doctors, teachers. For instance, many smart students from Asian countries nowadays have a chance to study in prestigious universities and colleges in the UK and later become qualified workers to contribute to the wellfare of citizens in their own countries.

In conclusion, it should not be obligatory for students to be responsible for all the tertiary tuition fees since if this is the case, many cannot afford to go to universities despite their high academic performance and society altogether can benefit greatly from third-level education.

This is my essay for an IELTS task 2 question. I really appreciate your time to give me feedback on this. Thank you!
shraddhashende 1 / 1  
Sep 15, 2017   #2
Third paragraph is emphasizing your point of view.
Mimi123 4 / 6 1  
Sep 16, 2017   #3
I personally think that your essay is well-organized and smooth.

The only thing I don't feel comfort is that your conclusion is too long. When I read that I think you are in a rush to finish the essay on time.

It's right that you summarize your viewpoints in conclusion but it should be split into several sentences to be clear and, as far as I remember, the opening and ending paragraph should be 2-3 sentences.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,647 3480  
Sep 16, 2017   #4
Hai, your paraphrase is inaccurate and does not properly reflect the sentiment of the original prompt. there is no argument presented, only a discussion. Exaggerating this portion on your part was meant to call attention to your English vocabulary. Unfortunately, that created a misrepresentation of the prompt in the process. You must always stick with the academic tone of writing in these essays and never exaggerate the discussion topic presented as that would indicate a lack of English understanding on your part. The more accurate tone of paraphrase for this prompt would have been:

A discussion has been presented regarding who has the responsibility for the payment of university educational fees. An idea has been brought forth that the student must pay for all of the college related fees because the rewards of a completed undergraduate education benefits the individual more than his community. In this essay I will be discussing the reasons why I do not agree with this point of view.

Note the level tone of presentation in my opening paraphrase. It merely restates the prompt in a manner that highlights my knowledge of the English vocabulary, without changing the tone of the original prompt. It is not sensationalist, nor exaggerated. It is merely informing the reader of the previous information that I was provided for the discussion, in an academic tone. That is what you should strive to achieve in all of your prompt paraphrases.

Your line of reasoning / discussion is severely flawed in this instance. You are automatically assuming that all college students are not financially capable of paying for their fees. Hence the need for scholarships. You failed to consider the other side of the discussion that relates to those students whose parents can afford to shoulder their educational needs. Should they also be given scholarships? What if their grades do not qualify them as exemplary students? Should they still be given a free education?

When you write your supporting statements, always make sure to think of the other side of the argument and defend against it. That is why you were given 3 body paragraphs to defend your stance in. In this instance, you should have thought of these aforementioned counter arguments before you wrote what became a severely weak defense of your stance on the issue.

Do not write run-on sentences for your conclusion. Always try to present the essay in a complete paragraph form otherwise you will lose points in terms of GRA and C&C considerations. In this instance, your otherwise strong conclusion was marred by the improper sentence formatting. This will result in a reduced overall score for your essay.

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