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IELTS WRITING TASK 2 - The unlimited use of cars may cause many problems. What are those problems?



Naomie 1 / -  
Nov 16, 2024   #1
I'd really appreciate a fresh perspective on my essay and as much feedback as you can think of. Thank you so much!

Question: The unlimited use of cars may cause many problems. What are those problems? In order to reduce the problems, should we discourage people to use cars?

We cannot deny that today, more and more cars are increasingly being used because of their flexibility and versatility. While cars help people enhance human living standards, they lead to many problems related to the environment and safety, which need to be addressed.

The widespread use of cars has a real environmental cost. It is reported that exhaust from this useful transport bears responsibility for many pressing problems called greenhouse effects, global warming, and acid rain which are so harmful to people's health. Traffic jam is another issue. As people choose to drive for work instead of public transport, this places a burden on national transport facilities while there are heavy traffic jams almost every day during rush hours.

To solve these problems mentioned above, while some people suggest that the government should discourage people from using cars, in my opinion, there are many more effective measures. It cannot be denied that imposing a strict restriction on the use of vehicles can improve environment aspects, this is a big trade-off while the mobility will be in decline. Designing environmentally modern cars that run on solar energy can cover a lot of ground for these issues. Also, it is more reasonable for authorized parties to give some incentives to encourage citizens to use public transport.

To sum up, while cars play an important role in living convenience nowadays, they lead to many problems that people have to suffer. Discouraging the uses of care can be a stopgap measure and there are many incentives that can be given to address these issues.

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 15439  
Nov 17, 2024   #2
We cannot deny

This is your personal opinion as the writer of the opinion paper. Therefore, it cannot be mixed into the original topic restatement. You may include this in your writer's opinion + thesis statement presentation in the first paragraph though.

they lead to many problems

This paragraph cannot receive a passing preliminary TA score because of the missing thesis statement that should have been presented as summarized responses to the given writing guide / questions. Deductions will be applied because of your failure to reference summarized responses to the questions provided.

The solutions paragraph is lacking in content. You became focused on only one aspect of the previous problem presentation. A solution must be provided for each problem that you previously referenced in order to make the solutions paragraph a proper representation of the solutions to the problems you posed.

The reverse paraphrase is lacking. You need to present a different version of the topic for discussion as the first sentence before you summarize the rest of the discussion.


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