Unanswered [4] | Urgent [0]

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3

Unpaid community service should be a compulsory high school program, do you agree or disagree?

monopolymi 4 / 8  
Sep 30, 2017   #1

working in own community volountarily

There is much controversy about whether high school students should be forced to do unpaid community service. I think that taking part in community service can bring positive effects to the youngsters, but it should not be a compulsory program in school education.

There are two advantages for students to work for their own community. The main benefit is that it helps high school students to establish a sense of community. Community service, such as working for local charities, cleaning the neighborhood environment or companying the elderly, provides pupils a chance to connect with their neighbors and have a better understanding of their hometown. Another positive impact is that students can acquire practical experience and learn how to communicate with other people. Compared to the traditional curriculum, community service can help students to develop social skills, teamwork ability. These are all crucial factors for the youngsters to lead a better future life.

In spite of the above arguments, I believe that schools should not enforce students to take part in unpaid community service. Firstly, community service would shorten pupils' private time. Nowadays, students have to spend a long period of time at school and have a large amount of homework to do after school. The compulsory community service would not only shorten their time to finish homework assignments but also increase their pressure. Secondly, it is unfair for high school students to serve the community without salary. All of the local residents should take the responsibility to make the community better. If they decide to hire the students to serve the community, community councils or organizations should pay the appropriate salary for students.

In conclusion, although there are some advantages for students to serve the community, I disagree with the idea of compelling high school students to do unpaid community service.
Sep 30, 2017   #2
Hello, i'm interested in your effort to build an essay like this. I guess, subjectively, you could reach high score on TA. However, maintaining the CC is essential as well which I don't find sufficiently in first paragraph. Overall, you've done it well..
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,876 3553  
Sep 30, 2017   #3
Irene, I am sorry but your approach to the opening statement is not the proper one for this type of essay prompt. The opening statement should sound more similar to the original prompt when you restate it. Therefore, the thesis statement you present at the end, should be made in a similar manner to the prompt discussion instruction. It would have been better if you said:

At the moment, unpaid community service is not yet a compulsory high school program. Some educators believe that it should be turned into a regular part of the curriculum. I disagree with this suggestion for a number of reasons.

Remember, you are trying to explain what the original prompt topic is all about. Your presentation deviated in a manner from the original prompt which made you create your prompt requirement. This would result in a failed overall score for the essay.

This is not an advantage and disadvantage essay. That is where you made a mistake in your understanding. This is a single opinion essay that relies on your opinion and supporting body paragraph presentations in convincing the reader. Make sure you understand what the prompt discussion requirements are before you start outlining the essay.

By the way, you need to make sure that you do not go over the 5 sentence maximum requirement per paragraph. Practice saying more with less sentences. That is the best way to score high in the C&C section.

Home / Writing Feedback / Unpaid community service should be a compulsory high school program, do you agree or disagree?