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WRITING TASK 2: UNPAID WORK


phongthanh 1 / -  
Sep 7, 2021   #1
Topic:
Some people think that all teenagers should be required to do unpaid work in their free time to help the local community.
They believe this would benefit both the individual teenager and society as a whole.


Do you agree or disagree?

My essay:
A highly contentious view at issue is that youngsters must do the voluntary works in order to assist their communities because young people and their society would reap many benefits from these works. From my point of view, I totally agree with this opinion and will elaborate on some reasons to justify this stance.

First and foremost, a primary benefit for volunteers would appear to be the improvement of their life skills. That is to say, doing unpaid work helps people to explore their own potential skills and talents. Teenagers could have many chances to experience several fields and activities, which helps them to know what they are interested in and have the ability. Moreover, it is vital that by doing voluntary work, young people could widen their meaningful relationships. There is a proclivity to exchange with co-workers or leaders, who are likely to be in the same fields of career or education.

A further significant factor is that there are many positive repercussions in their societies. This means that when assisted by youngsters, communities could develop faster and effectively overcome difficulties. For instance, In Viet Nam, when the fourth wave of COVID-19 comes, many students at many universities apply for becoming assistants in epicenters such as Binh Duong and Ho Chi Minh city, which helps inhabitants to shop for groceries to reduce the spreading of disease.

On balance, it is logical to conclude that teenagers should be asked to join in voluntary work because of the conferred benefits for themselves and their societies.

P/s: Would you mind giving me an IELTS band score?
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 11,579 3757  
Sep 9, 2021   #2
The restatement could have been cleaver. 2 seperate ideas were presented in one sentence creating a confusing presentation. As a run-on, it simply lacks proper clarity and cohesion. Use one sentence per idea. That way the required 3-5 sentences per paragraph is also met. Do not tell the examiner what the discussion instructions dre. Provide a proper, topic based thesis sentence as a part of the I to achieve a higher task score and also, create a cohesive discussion outline, which can help with the overall score boost.

repercussions

Word choice error. Repercussion is a a college level noun referencing a negative effect or result, often indirect or remote, of some negative event or action. Use the term "results" instead to create a positive point and avoid confusing word presentations.

*Contact me privately for scoring services.
benedictandrew 1 / 2  
Sep 9, 2021   #3
I think your conclusion is incomplete as it is supposed to be at least 2 sentences. You should accentuate your idea in your conclusion again to make the essay easier to understand your view. Moreover, you should correct your vocabulary usage, especially collocations. And I think you shouldn't use idioms in an IELTS writing essay due to their colloquial nuances and contexts


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