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WRITING TASK 2: Unsatisfactory job, shortage of money or Improve and try


Lalalala012 1 / -  
Apr 17, 2021   #1

Unsatisfactory job, shortage of money or Improve and try



It has been argued that withstanding work-related stresses or ameliorating working conditions is pleasanter for workers. In my opinion, employees should enhance their knowledge and experience to get promotion opportunities.

There are principal reasons struggling workers to improve their qualifications. Initially, lack of financial support and experimental facilities restricts them to approaching professional study and practical experience, especially in medicine. Furthermore, to cope with the strain of daily working life, they tend to opt for the tolerance and acceptance, which will partly slow the reduction of their happiness level. Another reason for this opinion is that if they have experienced too much failures, the feeling of regret and frustration will cause them disheartened to try again.

On the other hand, there are a number of reasons that highly motivates employees to attempt on their occupation. In this fast-changing world, the growing demand of life leads to constant efforts to accumulate the property and reach a higher standard of living. Therefore, people will continuously improve themselves to get a well-paid job instead of satisfying with their current salary. However, dissatisfaction with pay is not the only motivation for working. As has been mentioned, though some would stand for the tolerance even without passion to their job, there are others who are enthusiastic enough to change and perhaps reach a higher level of happiness. Lastly, it could be admitted that the desire for knowledge is inside everyone, especially intellectual people. Take an example of an inspiring story from a Chinese girl, her attempt in 10 years after graduation finally gave her what she deserved, as becoming a resident of US.

In conclusion, as an individual, each worker has to make a choice by taking actions or settling down, resulting in their own career.

I would appreciate for all your feedbacks and this essay's score if possible. Thank you!

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Holt  Educational Consultant - / 11,194 3644  
Apr 19, 2021   #2
The prompt paraphrase reads as incomplete. There are several missing information that should have been presented. This was either caused by a lack of English proficiency, or an inability on the writer's part to clearly analyze the essay for restatement to the reader. There is no reason presented in the restatement based on the topic. Considering the presentation of the writer, there should have 2 reasons indicated in support of each point of view. These would have helped represent the thesis statement of the writer based on the reasons provided for his/her supported topic. There is a lack of proper restatement that would have covered:

- Topics
- Reasons
- Discussion instructions as integrated into the thesis statement/personal opinion of the writer.

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kitana2505 1 / 2  
Apr 21, 2021   #3
In the introduction, you said employees should enhance their knowledge and experience, so I think the second paragraph where you are discussing why are worker struggling with further learning is unimportant.

I would rewrite the conclusion:
In conclusion, each worker should consider the goal of their career and tries his best to achieve what he wants. This leads not only to a higher opportunity of promotion but also a happy working life.
hglingg 2 / 5  
Apr 21, 2021   #4
the conclusion should be written in 2 sentences. the first one to gather the ideas in your essay and the second one is to affirm your viewpoint


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