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Untalented Children in artistic learn painting and drawing in Art classes at school

sharfina 35 / 21 5  
Feb 2, 2016   #1
It is pointless making children who lack artistic talent learn painting and drawing in Art classes at school. Instead, they should concentrate on other creative and practical subjects which they may have more aptitude.

To what extent do you agree or disagre

Most schools involve an Art class as a compulsory subject. Some people believe that pupils learning Art and Music without having many skills or art talents is useless, while I argue that encouraging them to switch non-academic subjects ,art ad music, to subjects that they may have more aptitude, practical and logical subject, is the right approach to shun them feeling depression.

Most students lacking in artistic feel stressful when they are forced involved in Art classes. They should be given a chance to take out of art classes . Some obviously will render their best in another subject. For example, In Finland, a survey carried out by Rosci Kerl 2014 found that some in secondary school having a tendency gaining a high score in Mathematic subject are placed in one class concentrated on only that subject. This results in they becoming expert on Math subject and they acquire a specific skill.

Apart from the previous discussion, untalented pupils in artistic should be encouraged to do useful subjects, such as volunteer and Scout activity. They have more valuable benefit to improve their social skill rather than forcing them to do the subject, Art and Music, that they are not interested in. For example, In Japan, a survey carried out by Takashima 2014 found that non-art skilled students cannot survive in Art classes and it is directly impact on their sense of worth. Therefore, giving them the practical ones that easy to be learned is more beneficial for them.

To sum up, it is absolutely unappropriate involving untalented students in artistic joining Art classes since it gives rise to be worthless. It is believed that forcing them in Art classes will make them feeling stress. Therefore, concentrated on other subjects is a better way for them.

vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Feb 2, 2016   #2
Sharfina, you mention that a child should be pulled out of art classes in order to help them avoid feeling depressed because they do not have the talent for arts. At the end of the essay, you again repeat this statement by indicating that the child should be pulled out of art class so the child will not feel worthless. There are two problems with your argument.

First of all, since you provided a line of reasoning regarding preventing the feeling of depression for non-artistically incline students, you should have rendered a discussion of that topic within the body of paragraphs. You did not represent that line of reasoning at all and instead, offered unrelated facts and opinions. You must always remember that any claims you make in your thesis statement must be found within the essay itself. Your inability to represent a more thorough discussion of that opinion makes the opening thesis confusing. There is no sense in mentioning an opinion of you are not willing to further develop that discussion in the latter part of the essay.

Second, you should know by now that offering a totally new reason in the conclusion, in this case that is the "worthlessness" of a student, will be frowned upon by the examiner and result in a format deviation on your part which, for sure, will affect your final grade. You were not able to properly develop that line of reasoning because you made it part of the conclusion, which made the essay seem to end on an illogical note. There was no sense of closure in your essay.

You know what it will take for your score to improve in this essay. I suggest that you do it so that you can have a better chance at a passing score.

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