Overpopulation of urban areas
Overpopulation of urban areas has led to numerous problems.
Identify one or two serious ones and suggest ways that governments and individuals can tackle these problems.?
When population increase significantly, then it becomes very difficult for government and individual to overcome problems. Overpopulation of urban areas has led to various problems. This essay will discuss why urban areas has led to overpopulation and put forward several solutions for these problems.
First and far most, urban areas are facing a significant issue of water shortage because of increasing population ratio. Put simply, urban area face shortage of water due to heavy consumption of water everyday by heavy population, to overcome this issue government make contracts with private water tanker.
To reduce water shortage, people has to paid weekly many time a heavy amount to water tankers. Sometimes water supplier do not provide water on time due to which people pending their domestic tasks. Many times people complain about these situations to government to provide any alternative for reduction of these circumstances.
In addition, urban areas is also facing issue of rents, with increasing population rents of houses, flats increasing rapidly. People who are working on daily wedges or salaried person face troubles while living in such areas. In some areas where they want to live they can't afford rent, while in other areas where they are not willing to rent a house, they will face other issue due to lake of facilities.
To put it more simply, Living in better area to get more facilities, consequently people have to worked more than their normal times to pay their rents. For those people who can't earn more they face issues like lake of good quality house, water, roads, market etc.
There are several ways that governments and individuals can tackle these problems. If government make small dams this will reduce water shortage. Similarly if they put pressure on water tanker owners to provide two tankers per week with very low cost bearable for people. This will also reduce water shortage at domestic level. People should also store water in reservoir to avoid these difficulties, In addition people should avoid over usage of water to overcome water shortage issues. If government make small house for people who can't bear high rent and bound them to pay monthly a reasonable amount to government and after five years, they will be owner of the house, this will reduce urban areas living problem.
You need to make your paragraphs more well-balanced. The first five paragraphs are too short but the remaining is too long. You can combine some of them by using a connector.
You may need to revise your thesis statement. Directly put your main ideas there.
Below for your grammatical control:
urban areas HAVE led to
consumption of water EVERY DAY by
THE government SHOULD make contracts with A private...
people HAVE to PAY weekly ... amount OF water tankers.
Sometimes A water supplier DOES not provide
to THE government to provide AN alternative
And many other grammatical issues.
Hi, here are some of my comments:
Some trivial comments:
+ When population increase(s) significantly,
then it becomes ... to overcome problems.
What problems? Consider remove this sentence, because it is basically another, but worse, version of the second sentences.
+ ... discuss why urban areas has led to overpopulation: This is not what you are asked to do, ACCORDING TO THE TOPIC
+ First and
+ Put simply, ... population, to overcome ...
After the comma, I expected a linking device but found none. Bad C&C
There are so many more problems. In general, your essay is butchered, and I suggest you read tons of model answers. It's best to copy them by hand and understand why the authors write that way. Or simply read more and more model answers.
This sounds harsh, but your essay is hopeless. I highly recommend you take a class if you seriously want to learn IELTS writing task 2.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 11,767 3803
Shazia, please review the rules on writing using the subject - verb agreement as this seems to be an ongoing problem within your essay sentence presentations. You also show several situations where you created a disagreement within a noun phrase such as using the term "times" when the more appropriate reference is "time". You should also review the rules as to when to use certain punctuation marks. In this instance, you should have placed a comma after the introductory element "times". Hence the presentation should be "Many times, people..." Also, do not capitalize a word after a comma. Only a proper noun may be capitalized in this instance or when it is the first word after a period. Familiarize yourself with the use of auxiliary verbs (pay rather than paid) because these help keep the clarity of the sentence / paragraph content.
Now, with regards to your approach to this essay, since this is a direct question essay, your opening paraphrase should have at least 2 sentences towards the end that respond to each question as part of the discussion outline. The questions to be answered are:
1. Identify one or two serious overpopulation problems (indicate 2 in the response sentence)
2. One explanation each as to how the government (1) and the individual (1) can resolve the problem.
Now, this is a 4 paragraph essay at this point covered as follows:
Par. 1: Paraphrase
Par. 2: 2 reasons discussion that clearly uses a transition phrase to connect reason 1 and reason 2.
Par. 3. Discussion for the government solution with a transition sentence to connect to the next paragraph
Par. 4: Discussion for individual solution.
Par. 5: Concluding summary
Avoid run on sentences that create unclear discussion representations such as the last sentence in paragraph 6. In addition to that, Please remember that the Task 2 essay cannot have more than 5 paragraphs. That is the requirement. Learn how to write coherent and cohesive short sentences and paragraphs instead that utilize transition sentences and phrases to help introduce connected but new discussion topics.