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Urban areas and living space shortage - essay check

Ngan Nguyen 1 / 1  
Sep 8, 2017   #1
Many of the world's cities are currently facing a serious housing shortage.
What are some of the reasons for this shortage and what solutions can you suggest?

the limit of living space in urban areas

It is true that nowadays the lack of housing is one of the most important issues in many metropolitan area. There are various reasons for this problem and steps can definitely be taken to tackle it.

Three main causes are blamed for the root of the shortage in housing. Firstly, due to the increase of population over the last 20 years, the number of local residents in cities doubles or even triples which already takes up the large area for dwelling. Secondly, every year hundreds of people migrate to large metropolis in the search of better job. This lead to, for example, a situation that many low-income workers in Viet Nam have to accept to stay in parks or bus stations after a hard work day. Finally, since the price of land rises dramatically, most land lord only want to sell their property to companies who intend to build factories, school, buildings to make a big profit instead of building house for rent.

However, different approach can be adopted to solve these issues. So as to create more housing places but not accounting too much space, it is the best if city authorities construct a lot of skycraper apartments. Moreover, Government should develop provincial towns and rural areas, moving industry and job to these regions. By doing so, it will strike a balance in population between metropolis and countryside. Additionally, politicians have the power to impose a heavy fine if any family has more than two offsprings.

In conclusion, many feasible solutions can be applied to solve the limit of living space in urban areas.

Holt [Contributor] - / 8,583 2488  
Sep 8, 2017   #2
Ngan, are you writing this essay for a TOEFL or IELTS practice test? My assessment of your essay usually depends upon the specific requirements of the test you are taking. In this instance, I will just review your work on a general basis. For starters, regardless of whether this is for an English test or for a formal research paper, your thesis statement should always be at least 3 sentences in order to qualify for a paragraph. Always aim to write full sentences in order to prove your English skills. That means, your paraphrased paragraph will never be less than 3 sentences but no more than 5 in any given instance.

Do not try to present too many reasons in one paragraph. When given a plural reason presentation, stick to only 2 reasons. That way you can use one paragraph to present the reasons, in a connected manner while having the later part of that paragraph transition into your next discussion in a more accurate manner. If you don't prepare your reader for the next paragraph with a transition sentence, your cohesiveness and coherence presentation will not be considered as effective.

Try to develop a better concluding paragraph by fully developing a prompt restatement, summary of your discussion points, and a closing sentence. 3 sentences means you have tried to put a spotlight on your English grammar abilities, any less and you are rushing through the essay and not really paying attention to what you are writing.

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