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Use animals as food - Writing task 2 - opinion essay. for your time.

johnny sins 1 / 2  
Jun 12, 2022   #1
In the modern world, it is no longer necessary to use animals as food or other products, such as medicines and clothing.

Do you agree or disagree?

In the modern world, various individuals hold a belief that consuming animal products such as food, medicines, and clothes will be unnecessary. Despite the theoretical benefits of this proposal, I disagree with this opinion.

It is understandable why some people believe that animal products will be redundant in the future. Due to the modern technology of science, researchers can create a mixed variety of advanced medicines that do not condo tain of animal features. However, my personal opinion is against this proposal due to the following reasons. First and foremost, some patients can not access manmade medicines because of the financial budget. Additionally, producing this type of medicine takes time longer than using natural creatures. For example, a few categories of illness such as cough, stomachache, and earache,... can be solved by some type of body parts of animals.

Some opponents might argue that wearing clothes and consuming food gained from animals can lead to the o extinction of natural habitats. This view looks plausible at first, but from my perspective, using products from animals can bring more benefits to the user. First of all, the nutritional value in animals can outweigh the valuation of not natural products. For instance, researchers from Stanford University in 2019 have compared the value nutrition of oysters with a pill that contains ingredients extracted from oysters. While an oyster can bring 120 testosterone f me a pill just can bring 78 testosterone. Additionally, wearing clothes made from leather-like crocodiles, and sheep,... is a way to advertise the natural beauty of animals

In conclusion, although dot usiuseimals products can bring some benefits, it is not advisable to implement this proposal in reality.
Thanks for your time.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 12,856 4178  
Jun 12, 2022   #2
The opening paragraph uses too many memorized phrases from the original. These direct cut and paste references will definitely affect the task accuracy score of the essay. It is important that the restatement avoid any and references to the original wordings because those will not reflect his comprehension and rewording skills properly. He is also making a reference to

theoretical benefits of this proposal

which is not indicated in the first version. Therefore the prompt restatement has become inaccurate in relation to the discussion basis. The lack of a clear reasoning statement to back his opinion did not help this paragraph either. The prompt restatement + personal opinion is a failure.

An inability to form proper English sentences and the writer's unfamiliarity with English word usage will further add to the reasons why this essay will fail. The errors could be caused by one of two reasons:

1. Unfamiliarity with English words and its meaning;
2. Lack of proofreading skills. He did not review the draft, look for mistakes, and correct these upon detection.

These are but a few of more than several other problems that the writer is facing with his essay writing. Solving these problems will require more than just vocabulary building and free essay reviews. He must enroll in ESL classes to address his English language shortcomings.
Axis0019 3 / 6 1  
Jun 12, 2022   #3
Not a professional but just a few tips.
The writer has paraphrased the intro question into the future by saying will be, while the original question prompt states that the opinion is for the present.

Statements like the modern technology of sciences do not make much sense.
There clearly is alot of work to do on the writer's behalf to improve his English.
OP johnny sins 1 / 2  
Jun 12, 2022   #4
@Axis0019 thanks you so much <3

Home / Writing Feedback / Use animals as food - Writing task 2 - opinion essay. for your time.