Unanswered [5] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 4


Essay IELTS: How can the use of private motor vehicles be reduced?


Vidyadhar 1 / 1  
Feb 16, 2011   #1
It has been observed that the use of private means of transportation have increased over the last decade. People can be seen avoiding public transport such as buses, auto rickshaws and sometimes even trains as well. Some argue that using a personal vehicle makes them feel comfortable as far as the freedom of movement is concerned. In addition, owning the same, according to some, proves to be a status symbol.

Boom in the economy has helped common mass to afford private vehicles. For instance, earlier who could not buy even a bicycle is capable of buying a car these days. So, its because people earn enough now a days to support themselves financially well. Another reason they put forward for having their own transport is that they don't need to wait at public bus stands in order to visit somebody. They call it a freedom to move around if they own their personal vehicle.

However, owning an individual transport has resulted in an increase in uncontrollable traffic on the roads. It is almost impossible to move around in the peak hours in the metro cities these days. Moreover, the increased number of vehicles is prominent reason for increasing pollution and has also contributed to the annual accident rate. Adding to this, the increased number of private transport is one of the causes for global warming. Apart from that, a very small percent of people think of the maintenance of their vehicles which leads them to produce more green house gases that harm the environment. A chaos can be seen these days on the roads due to an increase in the number of private and public transport.

Concluding, I tend to say that this problem can be sorted out, what we need is just a concerted effort. In order to take the first step towards this reform, the concerned governments should encourage people to use the public transport. People can be enticed to use the same if a better transport facility is provided as this is the major reason why people go for a private one. Secondly, the new facility should be fast enough that can the public reach their destination without wasting time. Thirdly, people can be made aware of the harm they are causing unknowingly to the mother Earth. Those who don't go for a regular maintenance of their vehicles should be fined. Finally, the most important step is to make sure the buses are not over crowded. People would love to use public transport if they find room for themselves to sit comfortably during their journey. This problem can be overcome if these steps are implemented.
PaganAngel 1 / 2  
Feb 18, 2011   #2
Here are my suggestions, please take a look at my essay if you get a chance and let me know if you have any questions about my corrections!

First, I want to mention the topic--how can motor vehicle use be reduced? You spend a lot of time describing the problem--70% of your essay, and only the remaining 30% addressing the question. You may want to reverse this. Start with a short paragraph explaining WHY personal vehicle use should be reduced, then talk in depth about ways to reduce it. You can talk more about the specific problems (such as poor car maintenance leading to pollution) as you talk about proposed solutions (fines for those who don't maintain their vehicles). You may also want to look at programs various cities have used successfully to promote public transportation and bicycling. Overall, your essay is very well written and well thought out.
EF_Susan - / 2364 12  
Feb 18, 2011   #3
Oh, I'm so happy to have Jennifer here. Vidyahar, Jennifer did something great for you. Please, type the essay again below, and use the changes she made. They are great. If you type it again, maybe you will still have some mistakes. We will find them, and soon your English will be perfect!

Jennifer, I am going to look at your essay right away because I am so grateful. :-)
OP Vidyadhar 1 / 1  
Feb 18, 2011   #4
Thank you so much Jennifer. The corrections you have made are genuine. I am going to type it again and then please let me know if its fine.

And its really nice of you Susan! thanks a lot.


Home / Writing Feedback / Essay IELTS: How can the use of private motor vehicles be reduced?
Do You Need
Academic Writing
or Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳