socializing online
Nowadays, people tend to chat with others online through social network and spend less time on real-life communication. Many think that this situation is good while others held the opposite opinion. However, i strongly agree with the increasing use of social network for several reasons.
Firstly, online chat can bring people together. Since it enables us to connect with people all over the world, websites like Facebook are necessary in some cases. For example, if you want to talk with someone who is currently aboard, it is impossible to fly from here to there just to speak to him or her in person. Therefore, social media appears to be the only solution
Secondly, by joining online community, people can show their true selves. Many people feel shy to communicate with others in real life. However, it is a completely different story when it comes to texting on the internet. While chatting, they don't have to reveal their faces, therefore, they feel more comfortable and confident to talk about their hobbies and habits. As a result, they can find people with the same interests more easily.
It is also true that social media makes people less talk to others. A significant example is that when you come too a coffee shop, you will see a lot of people sitting in front of the others, using their phones without saying a word. However, i think that this is up to everyone's will to change. If they do want to speak to others, they should go to a non-internet cafe or force themselves to put their phones down.
In conclusion, i think that using social network can do you good. Because thanks to them, we can have better connection with people.@chiruha
Hello.
Some key points I would like to detail out:
1. Be consistent with your usage of forms.
2. Watch out for sentences that may lack/have excessive punctuation.
3. Don't create overbearing sentences by adding too many words that are irrelevant to the content that you have.
4. Integrate your thoughts and strategically curate your sentences. Doing this will let you use more techniques in writing that'll be beneficial for you to be more expressive and interpretative with your content.
Let's take a look at what you have in your essay and revise.
People nowadays chat with others online through social networks, causing them to spend less time on real-life communication. There are opposing opinions regarding this; I think it brings certain benefits.
Firstly, online chat brings people together. It enables us to connect with people all over the world. Even if a person is residing overseas, we can have means to communicate. Social media sites like Facebook bridges people together.
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If you can create a more organic flow with the transition between your sentences, this will be beneficial for your essay's structure.
Best of luck with your writing.
some words I think you can change just to make your essay more informal ( a little bit :3 )
-easily -> readily
-like -> namely
-impossible -> unfeasible
Besides, you should not use your personal sentences in your body paragraphs "i think that this is up to everyone's will to change. If they do want to speak to others, they should go to a non-internet cafe or force themselves to put their phones down" and try to omit words "it is a completely different story" -> unnecessary
