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Speech- should the use of uniform be discarded?

learningtowrite 32 / 50  
Jul 25, 2008   #1

This is a speech about retaining the use of school uniform. Could you please help me check through, and tell me if my tone is appropriate? Is it too domineering or formal enough, or is there anything I should do to write a better speech in the future?

I am so sorry I posted a few essays at a time, but I really need them urgently. Thank you so much for your help!

Good morning Principal, Members of the Management Committee and fellow schoolmates. On behalf of the Prefectorial Board, I am here to address the issue of discontinuing the wearing of school uniform. After much consideration, the board members have collectively agreed that the school uniform should be retained.

Is there a flaw in our uniform?
Our uniform, with its sleeveless design, has been proven suitable in this hot and humid weather of Singapore over the last hundred years. Not only is it convenient to wear, it is also reasonably priced and affordable for all students. Additionally, it is simply cut, yet possesses a timeless design. Should we discard the uniform, there is likely to be an upswing in the number of cases of students dressing in fashionable yet inappropriate clothes in school. Many students, especially those from the lower-income group, may not be able to afford the high cost of trendy clothes to keep up with their peers, thus creating unhappiness among the student population. This will create gaps within the student population and make the school less conducive for studying, which is not what we want.

Taking security into consideration, we should not discontinue the use of school uniform. After the JI leader, Kastari, broke out of the detention centre last month, he was last seen in our school neighbourhood; and he has not been caught yet. Hence, we should always be vigilant and take all precautions possible to protect our school. Without the uniform, the school guards will not be able to recognise our students from outsiders; thus outsiders can come in our school easily, and we never know when danger will strike. Therefore, we should continue wearing our school uniform as a safety measure to ensure that our school is safe.

Our school has always been regarded as the formidable "sea of blue" and it should remain that way. Our blue uniform and the school badge are usually associated with our academic excellence and impressive sporting achievements. Over our glorious 109 years, our seniors have been wearing the school uniform, and hence it has become our school trademark. Discarding our uniform is no less than burying away our history. We do not have to do away our uniform just for the shallow reason of looking more stylish. We are unique in our blue uniform. Would you rather like to become just a face in the crowd than the face that the crowd turns to face?

On behalf of the Prefectorial Board, thank you for your time and attention. I hope that you will render your support to maintain our school heritage, and remain the formidable "sea of blue".

EF_Team5 - / 1,586  
Jul 26, 2008   #2
I realize this is a speech and you probably won't be turning in your notes, but it's a good idea to use correct punctuation whenever you are writing. Therefore, I went ahead and corrected a few mechanical mistakes along the way.

Just a couple word choice corrections and structural corrections. Otherwise, it looks great. Your tone is respectful, yet you are effective in conveying your viewpoint. Good work!
OP learningtowrite 32 / 50  
Jul 26, 2008   #3
Thank you very much!
I hope that I can write like this in exam condition. I usually produce very very low quality work during exam time D:
EF_Team5 - / 1,586  
Jul 27, 2008   #4
You're welcome!

Test anxiety is tough to beat, but if you are well prepared before hand, breathe deep when you're taking the test, and try to stay focused, you'll do magnificently!

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