What's more useful: purchasing a business or a house?

In three months i'll take the toefl ibt and i'm expecting 88(the last year i got 71). Am'i ready?
Topic: You have enough money to purchase either a house or a business. Wich would you choose to buy? Give specific reasons to explain your choice.

As human beings, with limited resources, we are daily confronted to making choices. One most important of them is about money matters, how to manage and use it in a way that benefit us. There are numerous opportunities in which one can invest his financial resources. In my view, it seems more useful to purchase a business.

There is no doubt that owning a company makes people wealthy. In fact, by investing in a business we will annually ripe interests that can be reinvest in the same company or by buying shares from other companies. Consequently, the more investments grow, the more our benefits do. This explains why, more governments nowadays tend to advice unemployed youth to start their own business. Moreover our recent decade is rife with narrative about people you start from light financial resources but has become billionaires by making smart investment. It seems clear to spend money in enterprises if we want to become wealthy.

Another good point for purchasing a company is that this makes people feel more independent and responsible. Leading a company is synonym with freelance, because you are the one who conceive and design the conformation and composition of your staff according to your plan and without constraints. Also people have to refer to your consentment before taking any actions.

In conclusion I strongly believe that a profitable way of making use of our financial resources is by purchasing a business. It is truly the path to become quickly and consistently rich. And finally it makes us less stressed and more independent.

Hi,


...I think you should rewrite this sentence.
This is my suggestion: One of the most important things is about money matters...

....I removed the first comma
[quote=Mabossani]how to manage and use it in a way that benefits us.[/quote
Well.... in your introduction, you need to introduce your topic which speaks specifically about two choices. However, you keep it at a very general level and do not covey the idea of your tpoic fully.

... annually ripe interests? ... that sounds a bit awkward :( Do you mean that you can reinvest the profits you earn from business?


...this is another confusing sentence.... Write shorter sentences with simple vocabulary that you are more confident with. If you have inappropriate words, they can confuse the reader by giving a very different meaning to what you write.


Another good point about purchasing a company is that it makes people feel more responsible as well as independent.


In conclusion, I believe that purchasing a business brings more benefit to a person than purchasing a house. .... this is a very simple sentence, but a lot more clearer and interesting to read than complicated stuff.... In writing, what is more important is to keep the reader alive through what you write.

Thanks Dumi for your advices

I think you can get a better structure for this essay if you could share some
insights also on why people tend to choose a house over business.