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IELTS Writing Task 2 - Is it useless to keep traditional skills and ways of life?

englishholic 1 / 1  
Mar 21, 2017   #1
Present a written argument or case to an educated reader with no specialist knowledge of the following topic.

When a country develops its technology, the traditional skills and ways of life die out. It is pointless to try and keep them alive.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

You should use your own ideas, knowledge and experience and support your arguments with examples and relevant evidence.

traditional habits in danger

The era of technology is now. Developed countries have utilized technology to the fullest and developing countries is transitioning from conventional systems to advanced ones. However, this brings bad impact to traditional values of life as they are abating. In my opinion, while there is a fall in interest and usage of traditional ideals, it is not useless to preserve those ways.

Technology has many advantages that can bring more. Firstly, both public and private companies start to switch from human workers to computers and robots as they know that with more efficiency, more profit is produced, and these machines are better than humans when it comes to this. Therefore, traditional methods are slowly vanishing from preferences of a company. Moreover, one of the purposes of technology is to make people life easier. For instances, children are more comfortable with video games as body movement is not needed, and businessman can receive instant messages through their handphone, unlike the past where messaging was done by sending letters which took a lot of time. As a result, conventional methods of life, such as traditional games and post lettering, are almost extinct due to technology.

Although it is evident that the old ways are disappearing from people's lifestyle, a country must preserve those style for various reasons. First and foremost, traditional habits present a country's identity and culture. The method of knitting only with hand and bamboo represents one of many traditions in Indonesia and gives so many traditional values to Indonesia. Tourism is also boosted as tourists are usually interested in such way of living. Moreover, traditional ways produce more togetherness, unlike technology which often causes more individualism.

In conclusion, although technology advancement gives quicker positive results than the traditional ways, it is a good idea for a country to keep these things balance by monitoring them.

okorobiadimma14 6 / 82 50  
Mar 21, 2017   #2
Wismoyo, there is problem with the paraphrasing in your opening statement. It is not well structured that is why the thesis statement of your essay is not obvious in the first paragraph. Considering the prompt, the first sentence, 'When a country...', is a premise. It is an authoritative statement; more like a fact. The second sentence, 'It is pointless...', is the real gist of your argument where you are required to agree or disagree but not to agree and disagree. Your second paragraph reads as though your are agreeing that it is of no use to preserve the conventional way of life, while the third paragraph agrees that preserving the traditional way of life is needful (that is disagreeing with the opinion that "it is pointless..."). These conflicting ideas were the reasons you could develop any of the points in details with examples. I suggest you either agree and develop points to buttress your school of thought for the opinion or disagree and still tell the reviewer why your argument is against the opinion. Remember that the opinion is "it is pointless..."
OP englishholic 1 / 1  
Mar 24, 2017   #3
Hi Okoye, thank you for your response. In most of my essays, I usually support the opinion in the second paragraph and oppose it in the third paragraph. But now I realize that my position is not clearly presented in this way, especially in this essay.

I will apply your suggestion in my next writings and maybe I will try to write my supporting opinion in second paragraph then discuss in third paragraph the cons of the opinion in but still provide reasons or examples or suggestions so that the effects of disadvantages could be mitigated.

Once again, thanks for your feedback.
daiha20082009 6 / 9  
Mar 24, 2017   #4
I think you are conscious of using connected words, that is so valuable in your essay. From my experience, the last paragraph have to contain at least 3 sentences.

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