Please rate the essay on a scale of 0-6. Please point out any errors and please make suggestions for improvements.
Thank you.
Question:
All too often,companies hire outside consultants to suggest ways for the company to operate more efficiently. If companies were to spend more time listening to their own employees, such consultants would be unnecessary.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with these statements and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statements might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.
Response:
While it is necessary to appreciate and incorporate the views of one's own employees, I strongly disagree that it obviates the need for hiring consultants to suggest more efficient working methods.
First of all, a company's employees may not at all know how to efficiently work. Taking an extreme example, lets consider a labour intensive manufacturing firm making earthen pottery in rural areas. The employees there will not even have the knowledge of the big picture of the company lest the knowledge of efficient working methodology. Hence, the claim in the text is certainly not universal.
As another example lets consider a modern software development company. Human beings being inherently selfish will always put their interests first. So, for example, when the employees of such company are asked about efficient working methodology, most would reply that it would be more efficient for them to work from the comfort of their home. While what they ask may be efficient for them (it eliminates the need for commuting and associated timeloss), it isn't necessarily efficient for the company because there certainly will be communication gaps between employees themselves and between employees and the managements. So,it is not beneficial to let the employess decide for themselves the efficient working techniques.
Thirdly, even when the employees' interests is in boosting the company's efficiency and they know about efficient working algorithms, it is still favorable to hire consultancies because consultancies who specialize in finding out efficient working methodology simply are more suitable for the job. While it is wise to listen to and incorporate the views of the employees in such condition, it doesn't eliminate the need for the specialized service provided by consultant.
To sum up, if a company desires to improve its efficiency and is willing to put maximum effort on it, the best way is to hire a consultant apt for the job, while still respecting the views of its employee.
Well, this essay deserves a 3 at most. And I'll tell you why:
One, This essay is just too short to deserve an upper half score. Your points are mere statements, and don't properly convince the reader to believe in your stance. In other words, you did not properly develop your position on the given issue, as the prompt asked.
Two, whatever argument you put in the essay isn't general. The excessive coinage of the "software development" phrase can lead to the belief that your argument pertains to only one industry.
The excessive coinage of the "software development" phrase
I used that phrase only once. Why do you call it excessive coinage?
I used another example of pottery making. Though it may be bad, you can't deny its existence altogether.
Can you provide me some insight on 'developing position'? I missed this point.
You mentioned that my arguments weren't generally. Can you mention some 'general' arguments, so that I get to learn what sort of argument I should make.
Thank you for your time and constructive criticism.
