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Utilisation of public transport - IELTS Academic Writing TASK 1: Bar + Table

Sierra Jang 1 / 3 3  
Jun 26, 2020   #1

Daily public transport trips and population density in 2015

Information is provided by a bar graph which shows the number of utilisation of public transport per person in various cities including London, New York and Tokyo, and a table chart outlines numbers of residents lived in these areas in a square kilometer in 2015.

The main feature of the bar graph is that there is significant difference in using transportation between MRT/Subway/Metro(MSM) and Public Bus(PB). In London, people were more likely used PB Instead of MSM with approximately 0.76 times while MSM were used about half times. People in New York took MSM more frequently than PB that daily trips with MSM were 0.50 as PB was exactly the half. Likewise, in Tokyo, MSM were mostly used as much as almost 1 time whereas PB was chosen less than tenfold compared to MSM. The table chart demonstrates that London and Tokyo contained 5,431 people and 6,168 people respectively, yet, New York provided over 10,000 people which is the highest population among the cities in 2015.

In general, taken PB was more popular for general travel in London while other cities showed MSM was more common in 2015.

Holt [Contributor] - / 9,780 3100  
Jun 27, 2020   #2
The reporting needs to be clearer in your presentation. Never combine the different information for 2 images in one sentence. Aside from creating a run - on sentence, you also confuse the reader. 2 sets of different information in one sentence makes it difficult for the reader to remember individualized information and also creates confusion because the reader will not be able to separate the clear topic of each presentation due to the conflicting sets of information.

Your trending statement should be placed within the summary overview. That will make it more useful to the reader who needs to have a clear picture of the overall information presentation and discussion direction of the image report. It is also important that you present the data for the bar graph and table in separate paragraphs. Only related information and comparison points should be read in each paragraph. Again, this is to provide clarity for the discussion and also, to make it easier for the reader to remember the information presented.

Related information in one paragraph helps you improve your C&C score. When you mix the 2 sets of information in one presentation, The paragraph becomes longer than the 3-5 sentence requirement and, creates confusion for the reader who has to try and connect the 2 different discussions in one paragraph. The report is a written picture of the image. The reader, creates a mental picture based on your report. That picture can only be clearly imagined if you separate the information based on discussion relationships within the paragraphs.
OP Sierra Jang 1 / 3 3  
Jun 27, 2020   #3
Thanks, Holt. It was fabulous feedback for me. I've learn what are the cohesion and coherence from your tips
and i will try to remember your message and write better report. I really appreciate! Thank you so much! ;)

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