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Vacation or vacations to school children? Discussion essay.

Jimmy879873 26 / 55 13  
Aug 16, 2018   #1

short but several breaks or one long vacation?

Some people believe school children should be given multiple short vacations, while others believe they should get one long vacation. Give the advantages of both and express your own point of view.

There is a dispute between two groups of people. Some advocate that youngsters ought to receive short but several break times in a year at school. Though others think that vocation for youngsters in school should be one and long only. This essay shall present both points of view and I will offer my own opinion at the end.

Some believe that intensive school schedule without short breaks in between to children is counterproductive. Their brains are still in the developmental stage. Lack of proper resting in times will cause slower memory and reaction in the performance of their studies as students. Short breaks allow them to recharge and prepare upcoming subjects in school. So when they get back to the classroom, they are ready to learn.

Nevertheless, others think that one long vacation means students can concentrate on their studies. Learning is not easy especially for the youngsters. One vacation can act as a sweet reward for their hard work throughout the year. It motivates them to work even harder to complete homeworks and finish exams. After all, they can rest and wait for the next school orientation to come.

Upon reading two views of perspective, I believe that short breaks can ease the stressful feelings in children. A lot of times, the school curriculum can be overwhelmed by such equation formulas and grammar rules. It intimidates many children from learning. Having continual pauses in their yearly school timetable renders children to step away from some of the hard subjects. During the short vacation times, they can go for different activities such as hiking or fishing for relaxation.

To recapitulate, on the one hand, short and multiple breaks to children in schools help their overall performance in academics. On the other hand, a break with a longer period of resting encourages students to work diligently on their subjects. These lead me to think that maybe erasing the anxiety in students is the best and foremost task to accomplish and only by providing short terms of breaks can achieve such outcome.

Criticism is needed! I hope I am better than the last time on word choices and summarising. Thank you!

TriceLiu 11 / 25 18  
Aug 17, 2018   #2
Hi Jimmy, I think you are making progress in word choices and conclusion! Your expressions have been more concise and clearer.

However, the prompt required discussion about the advantages of long vacations and multiple short ones, whereas you talked about schedule without short breaks being counterproductive. This is about the disadvantage of long break. You may have said this to show why short breaks are necessary, but this is not a direct response to the prompt.

A revision could be:
Short breaks could make students more productive in their learning. First, breaks provide youngsters with opportunities to relax after tiring studies. After traveling during breaks, for example, students would be refreshed to be able to work harder back in school. They may also prepare for upcoming lessons during these breaks, by reading recommended books. With these preparations, students could have more ideas to discuss about when they come back to classrooms.

Also, some suggestions to make the essay more concise.
Their brains are still in the developmental stage developing.
Changing the "prep.+adj.+n." structure into a simple adjective is a common way to make an English sentence more concise. "Stage" is catagorical, and not important in meaning.

The usage of "though". Some advocate ... at school. Though , though/ while others think...
Holt [Contributor] - / 8,621 2516  
Aug 17, 2018   #3
SG, you are using the term "dispute" in this essay which is incorrect. Again, there is no debate/dispute being presented. Only a discussion of two different points of view. Therefore, the term you should be using can be anything from "discussion, comparative talking points, differing points of view" and other similar words that imply a logical meeting of the minds instead of an argument.

Be careful with your word choices. You failed to proofread your essay yet again because you made a mistake in typing the word vacation in the opening paraphrase. A vacation means a time of rest while a vocation means "a strong feeling of suitability for a particular career or occupation." Small errors like these have big scoring implications as you know. The more small errors you have, the bigger your scoring problem later on.

It is redundant to say "two views of perspective". perspective is a synonym for the word "views" in this given context. What you said was, "Upon reading these two views of views..." rather than "upon reading the differing perspectives", which is more complex in presentation. You show a growing command of the English language, try to vary your statements from simple sentences to complex. I believe you can do it at this point. You may as well practice doing so while I am here to guide you in developing that skill.

When you do the concluding summary, don't use the terms "On the one hand" and "On the other hand" because you are no longer comparing the discussion. You are already stating the facts of the discussion. Present these as two independent sentences instead. You could have been more direct to the point by saying "To recapitulate, short and multiple breaks... While long breaks... These reasons have led me to think that..."

By the way, vary the concluding statement opening phrase as part of your complex sentence development exercise. Let's widen that vocabulary of yours. It's time to do it. You are ready for it.
OP Jimmy879873 26 / 55 13  
Aug 17, 2018   #4
@Shurui and @Holt, thank you for the pieces of insightful advice! I will put those words into practice.

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