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SAT Essay: Do we value only what we struggle for? Kindly grade.


maheenatiq 2 / 4 1  
Apr 26, 2014   #1
I have started practicing for the Essay portion while preparing for the SAT. Kindly grade it and any correction or opinion regarding it is appreciated.

No doubt, some certain possessions hold a great importance in our lives, yet I would still emphasize that we value the most for what we have struggled the most. It is the truth of our lives that things which are easily acquired hold no value at all. Sometimes, just a little bit effort to make someone happy gives us alot of satisfaction because we have tried for it. No matter what, struggle matters alot.

I belong to a very well-off and prosperous family. From the time I've grown up, I've seen my lifestyle in a perfect way. Therefore, I never realized the importance of these luxuries in my life. Then, my father told me one day how he had gone through adversities and strived hard to achieve such success. He taught me a great lesson that adversities we face in our lives, give us a great experience to share. It is not merely necessary that each time it would end in a bad way. Years have passed but still, I remember my father's words with clarity.

Many examples can be illustrated from the history as well. Thomas Edison, a renowned scientist failed 1000 to 10,000 times just before creating the beacon of light. But he didn't give up. And when he was asked about his experience, he responded to his failures quoting, "I havn't failed, I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work". Moreover, Albert Einstein didn't speak until he was 4 years old. He used to ask abstract questions which people couldn't understand. People considered him as a dud but he never got dishearted, kept trying and eventually developed the thoery of relativity. These people set up a great perspective for us that we cannot worth something without involving a little bit of struggle in it.

"No pain, no gain" is a famous cliche used very commonly in our daily life but people don't know the actual sense of it. May be, we achieve the most precious things of our life without even struggling for it but it cannot be compared with the self-contentment and the immense pleasure following the accomplishment when we strive hard for it. Hence, one can only value what he endeavours for.

Itsyasmeens 2 / 10  
Apr 26, 2014   #2
You have used a lot of vocab, and that clearly is very important in writing an essay. However, Thomas Edison isn't the rightest example to be used in here, because his story would be better in another essay about "success after failure" and it just doesnt explain your point very well here same thing with Albert Einstein.

Anyhow, if I'd grade it I'd give it 8/12
Because it was written in a very nice form and you have arranged your thoughts in a nice order :)
OP maheenatiq 2 / 4 1  
Apr 27, 2014   #3
Thank u so much for ur concern .. Yes i have realized that the examples used are not at all persuasive .. I'l work on it onwards :)
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,195 459  
Apr 28, 2014   #4
Well, you should include the full prompt with your essay so that we can provide you with more meaningful comments.

"No pain, no gain"

You'd better rewrite this expression. What I see is that many students think the memorization of the perfect phrase, just say Maxim, is much more acceptable. As a result, they use it every time when they write. And to tell you the truth it doesn't impress the readers at all.
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
May 9, 2014   #5
I have started practicing for the Essay portion while preparing for the SAT. Kindly grade it and any correction or opinion regarding it is appreciated.

Well, you should include the full prompt with your essay so that we can provide you with more meaningful comments.

Yes, it is always good to include your prompt to understand better what it really requires from you. It helps us align our comments with task related requirements :) Now we do not have a

proper idea about what your topic suggests. :(
In my view, you need to provide reasons for justifying your opinion in the body paras and then support them with examples. Why not you post your full prompt so that we can check and let

you a proper approach for your essay.
OP maheenatiq 2 / 4 1  
May 11, 2014   #6
"That which we obtain too easily, we esteem too lightly. It is dearness only which gives everything its value."
Thomas Paine
Assignment:
Do we value only what we struggle for? Plan your response, and then write an essay to explain your views on this issue. Be sure to support your position with specific points and examples. (You may use personal examples or examples from your reading, observations, or, knowledge of subjects such as history, literature, science.)

That's the full prompt with the assignment.


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